"Beyond Here Lies Nothin;"

When we last left the citizens of Bon Temps, Maryann had retaken control over just about everyone, including Tara and, as Sookie discovered as the credits rolled, Lafayette.  Bill was back in town to fetch Sam and deliver him to Maryann so she'll kill him and take off.  But surely Bill's got a plan right?  Andy and Jason have plans, but whether or not the two overly-armed soldiers stand a chance against Maryann and her black-eyed drones remains to be seen.  If we're lucky, we'll get another shot at Eric (and yes, the queen) before the season wraps.  Remember, kids, he can fly now.

The show starts in Sookie's bedroom, moments after she discovers that Lafayette has joined the black-eyed crew, and he's in charge now, bitches.  After sending Tara and Eggs downstairs with the egg they'd been nesting in Sookie's bed, Lafayette not-so-politely asks Sookie to change into a lovely wedding gown, making sure to mention that he's got some vamp blood in him.  No time to wonder what sorts of messages Eric might be getting from both Lafayette and Sookie at this point because it turns out that Maryann's got a gaggle of white-dressed, laurel-wreathed women waiting for Sookie downstairs.  It's time for Maryann's wedding, and Sookie is the maid of honor.

Roll Opening Credits.

After a brief "what are you, really?" conversation between Sookie and Maryann, we cut to Hoyt and his Mama drama.  He's still being a good son, trying to keep the most important woman in his life from causing herself harm.  One hopes Jessica comes soon to help him out, but it doesn't seem likely.

Hopping back to Maryann and Sookie, Maryann shares a bit of her plan and continues to be frustrated by our enigmatic heroine. It seems odd that someone who's been around for millenia hasn't seen everything, but I suppose that would make the show less interesting. Whatever she may be, it's clear that Maryann thinks Sookie is the key to getting Sam to show, and Sam's the key to a happy marriage.  Props to Michelle Forbes who does a great job switching between nearly-omnipotent-being and nervous bride throughout this episode.  She's borderline sympathetic when she's not playing with her chess pieces.  

Speaking of chess, it seems Eric is stuck in New Orleans with Queen Sophie.  Has Evan Rachel learned to act since the last episode?  ...not so much.   We learn a bit, though.  For one, whatever is special about Sookie appears to be in her blood.  For another, Sophie is at the root of the drug dealing that Lafayette's been forced to continue.  After a bit of kinky power play, it's back to Yatzee, which Sophie declares that Eric has no knack for.

Back in Bon Temps, Jason and Andy screw their courage to the sticking place and charge the house of worshipers.  After a brief scuffle, both Andy and Jason succumb to Maryann's mojo.  That smells funny to me, since Sookie and Jason are brother and sister, but what do I?

Plot threads (finally) combine as Bill drags Sam to the house.  After some egg-licking and brother-threatening, the ceremony begins.  No time to wonder why everyone's taking the "Sam is willing to die for Sookie" moment in stride, or where the entire city got all those white clothes. Climax tumbles after climax as the shit finally gets real. Sam goes up on the cross. Eggs stakes him through the heart. Maryann anoints herself with his blood. We wait for God that we know isn't going to appear.  "Use your gift," Bill asks Sookie, and she uses it to read Sam's dying thoughts.  At his request she smashes the egg and topples the Horned God's effigy, using her magic electric power, even.

After threatening the townsfolk (the only thing this ending has in common with the book), Maryann sets her sights on Sookie and they go on a chase through the woods.  A white bull shows up just as Maryann's about to deliver the killing blow. She shares a moment with her god-groom that is almost touching, even if it's between a bat-shit-crazy chick and a cow.  The moment is fleeting, and the bull consummates their marriage by goring her with a horn.  She's cool with it, though, and once she's clearly surrendered herself to her fate, the bull morphs back into Sam, who pulls her grey, rotten heart out with his horn-turned-arm.  "Was there no god?" Maryann asks before turning into a pool of muck.  I wasn't the biggest fan of the maenad plot line this season, but I think that was a great send off for an incredible actress.

It's time to wrap up the season! 

Bill explains to Sookie that he wasn't really the kind of bastard that would just sacrifice Sam.  The townsfolk cant seem to remember what happened, including Hoyt's Mama, but fang bites don't lie.  It turns out all the nasty stuff she said to Hoyt while under Maryann's influence weren't lies either.  "You're nearly 30, you should know the truth."  Hoyt does not take it well.  I think there are great things in store for him next season.

At Sookie's house, people start cleaning up.  Arlene calls her kids, Jane finds her finger, and Andy gets his job back.  Sam and Bill share a moment and Sam ponders life as an "out" shifter.  Eggs starts to wonder what he's done and Tara and Sookie agree it's better to not know.  Sookie gives her BFF a pep-talk and hug and heads upstairs to snuggle with her boyfriend before dawn.  As the scene fades to black, it looks like the season is drawing to a neat little close.

But wait! We're only 36 minutes in. What's left?

Oh, right. The rest of the town needs their swan songs (and yes, that was Charlaine Harris at the bar).  Sam's planning a trip, Tara loves her job, Arlene loves her kids, and Terry's got a thing for Arlene and her kids. Lafayette thinks we should just enjoy our sausage.  Andy wishes he was a hero, but Jason sagely talks him into accepting the "unsung" modifier.  Sam and Sookie's final moment gets cut short when a random woman nobody's ever heard of just appears in the back of the shop with a lovely gift for Sookie.  I'm sure it's nothing.

It is nothing! It's just a present from Bill, so we can relax, right?  Queue the menacing music as Lady MacEggs begs Sookie to help him remember.  I expect things to get a bit ugly or at least surprising, but it's another fake-out. Although Sookie is stupid enough to break through the blackout for him, Eggs just runs into the woods screaming about his hands.  

And the show keeps going!  Bill and Jessica have a touching father/daughter moment before setting out on their dates and we learn that the trip Sam's been mentioning was in search of his birth parents. Looks like he's off to Arkansas for a while.  Hoyt shows up at Jessica's doorstep, just like the gentleman that Bill hoped he'd be, but nobody answers. It looks like Jessica wasn't not setting out for a date with Hoyt, but to snag a snack at a truck stop.  

I'm getting annoyed by all these almost-endings, aren't you?  This isn't Lord of the Rings, Mr. Ball.

Bill and Sookie have a nice dinner in an emptied French restaurant that has to be same set used in an earlier flashback. After yet another false-ending, we cut back to Andy and Eggs.  Eggs violently insists on being arrested, which Jason mistakes for simply being violent, so he protects his new best friend from the murderer.  One headshot later, Jason's being set away by our unsung hero.   Andy covers for Jason as the bar empties.  It's not my choice for a season-ending scene, but there's a nice symmetry in starting where the season began: Andy Bellefleur and a dead body in the parking lot of Merlotte's.  It's an awkward way to write Eggs off the show and keep Tara "interesting" but I guess someone has to pay for Maryann's wickedness.

And we're still not done! Bill manages to surprise even me and he pops the big question.  Sookie's not quite sure how to answer him, and after some hysterics, excuses herself to the bathroom to compose herself.  Fortunately for Bill, she took the ring with her, and smiling at herself in the mirror is all it takes to wash away her concerns.  She runs back out to say yes, only to discover that Bill's been abducted.  With all the false endings and general lack of Eric, I'd forgotten the promise he'd made to Queen Sophie.  Should we assume that he's the vamp-napper, or is this a false lead like last season's painted toes? 

Whatever happened, this is the really-real cliffhanger ending, and HBO says they'll be back next season without giving us any indication the what or when.

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