Murmur - TimmyWood's Content

The Late Night Movie: The Brothers Solomon

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:49:17 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Sometimes movies are more enjoyable when you are half asleep.

We have all been there. It's one in the morning. You cannot sleep. You are too tired to read so you flip on the television and there is a movie playing. Normally you would either change the channel or turn it off but something hooks you. You cannot stop watching this movie. It doesn't grab your attention in the way a thrilling film does, where you just have to see what happens before you go to bed. This is the film that pokes that weird part of your brain that only gets stimulated at the witching hour of the night. This is the late night movie. The movie that if you watched completely attentive in the middle of the day you would hate, but it's late, your brain is tired and these images on the screen are appealing.

The first movie I would like to talk, in what I would like to continue as a regular feature on Murmur, is The Brothers Solomon. This movie had quite a handful of talented, funny people involved in it. Directed by Bob Odenkirk, great sketch writer for Saturday Night Live and performer on one of my favorite sketch shows Mr. Show with Bob and David. It starred Will Arnett, who was probably my favorite on Arrested Development, and Will Forte from the current cast of SNL. Lee Majors, Kristen Wiig and Chi McBride also pop up here and there in the film.

This movie tanked in the theatres. It was ripped apart by critics, even Roger Ebert apparently walked out of it something he claimed he hadn't done in a movie in a long time. Is it that bad of a movie though? Again, at one in the morning, no it's not.

The movie is written by Will Forte and all the successes and failures are from his screenplay. I like Forte but I admit not everything he does works for me. In fact I think he is one of the strangest sketch comedians I have seen in a while. He looks like a perfectly normal guy yet when he speaks the way he says his words are strange and his characters always bizarre. Even when he fails it is still interesting, at least it is like nothing I have ever seen before.
Forte's script is full of bizarre stuff. Some of it works and some doesn't. The plot is odd. Two men find out that their father?s last wish before he slipped into a coma was to see his grandchild so they make it their goal to go impregnate a woman. As we saw with the box office success of What Planet are You From American audiences love this story idea. Forte and Arnette then go about their misadventures of finding a woman to birth their child.

Like I said before the movie is full of just really strange bits and jokes. The opening credits consist of the two leads staring at you the audience member, glancing down at the credit, making a face and then looking back at you in the audience. It is so weird but when I thought about it the next day it made me laugh. In fact the majority of jokes in this movie made me uncomfortable but when I thought of them later I chuckled. This is a horrible comedy that leaves an enjoyable aftertaste.
The star of the movie is Arnett, who has funniest lines. I am also impressed at how committed he is to the joke. He has to do some stuff that probably didn't even read on paper but Arnett does it and delivers. Even when it is something like slurping a puddle of the floor, he still jumps in head first
The movie also is written as a train of little comedy set pieces, like sketches almost, the majority of which could have been cut out and the plot wouldn't have been affected at all. They all lead up to a joke at the end of the movie that you can see coming from thirty minutes in.
I sound like I am being really negative but again I kind of enjoyed it. Would I ever recommend this movie? Probably not. However, if you turn on the tv at one in the morning and can't sleep then you might enjoy it. Maybe.
Before I end the review I do have to quote Arnett who has the best joke in the entire film and sells it in a way no one else can.

After the doctor informs him that his sperm is infertile
ARNETT: Ha! Guess whose gonna be spending zero dollars at the condom store!

Again, I don't recommend it but it worked for me on some weird, surreal level.

Subway Characters

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:48:08 GMT

by: TimmyWood
I see people on the subway and wonder about their lives.

I recently moved to New York City and since I have been here I have been fascinated with the subway. You see where I am from, Houston Texas, we don't have the most reliable public transit system. Sure we have buses but they are pretty bad. If you want to live in Houston you need a car. Things are way too spread out and it's the only way to get around. I always hated that.
I was never one of those "car guys" you know the ones, they can talk about makes and models all day long. It all sounds Japanese to me. I also don't get a thrill from driving. I've been in several car accidents, usually as a passenger, so I am the most paranoid car guy ever. You know how your mom acts in the passenger seat, gripping the arm rest, stomping at the floor as if she has a break and closing her eyes, well I am ten times worse.

Thus my joy when I moved to the big apple. Here the public transit you can just go, sit and read a book. They do the driving for you. Sure sometimes the subways are a pain, I'm looking at you L train, but I will take it over driving any day. There is one think I love about subways that surpasses all these things, I love people watching. This article is devoted to a few of my favorite personas I have seen. Some only once, some multiple times.

THE MARTIAN SAXOPHONIST
This guy wears sunglasses, a purple hat with green swirly antennas poking out the top and carries a saxophone. Seeing people play instruments on the platforms or in the cars is nothing new. Some are incredibly talented, others somewhat annoying. This guy is a mixture of both. I generally see him on the L. He walks into the car playing his sax, then shouts several announcements. One that went like this, I scrambled home to write it as well as I could remember it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is I the mad the martian. I have been to Mars and back and I have seen the truth. Someday, well give money to everyone, that's right everyone. Here we go."
He then plays a standard on his sax. After wards he collects money into his cup.
"Thank you very much, this is my stop. Get ready folks to enter the twilight zone!"
He plays a few bars of the theme the classic show and hops off. Sure he looks crazy yet I can't help but wonder if there isn't more to him. As if he is this modern day Don Quixote, going on the various adventures about these Speeding Giant Silver Snakes, if he considers the Skyscrapers Giants, or if he really has been to Mars, and if he has where would it be, I would guess Times Square.

THE MYSTICAL MAN
This guy I only have seen once, yesterday in fact. I have been job searching as of late and a lot of my day has been rushing from one interview to another. This guy caught me on the platform as I was rushing. He was an Indian gentleman with a long scraggly beard and a balding head. He was just standing there on a empty platform. At first glance you would think he was waiting for a train, but he never got on any train, not at least while I was there. As I walked by him, he said something to me. I at first thought he was asking for money and kind of shook my head and kept walking. The look on his face fell and he kept looking toward me. I realized he must have said something else. I apologized, took my earphones out and asked him to repeat what he said.
"You are a very lucky man" As he said it he tapped his forehead, the area between his eyebrows three times to the rhythm of the sentence.
I was a little taken aback, didn't quite know what to say to that. I smiled and thanked him and went to my job interview.
I couldn't stop thinking about this guy though. Was he a mystic? Did he often pick people off and give them some sort of sage advice or warning. Or does he say this to everyone.

The Lonely Businessman
I joined up with a buddy of mine to catch an improv show at a bar. We hopped on the G and headed up there. Also in our car was a guy dressed rather nice. I made note because he was wearing this awesome suit and I thought to myself "Damn I need to get a suit like that." Four or five hours later after the show we hop on the train back and there in the same car is the same business suit guy. We recognized each other and I made some joke like "What do you do ride trains all day?" He laughed but looked somewhat embarrassed. What if this what this guy did all day? Maybe he was laid off from his firm and is so used to dressing up and going to work that he still does so, but stays on the train.
"Timmy I think youre stretching it with this one, he probably just went to a bar like you did and was heading back."
Sure maybe but it's fun to speculate.

The Cute Blonde
I don't have any cool story on this one. I just always see her and she gets off at the same stop as me. And she always has the most interesting tights.

If I see any more fun subway characters I will post them. Which ones have you seen?

The Best of Syndicated Radio: Little Steven's Underground Garage

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:19:30 GMT

by: TimmyWood
It's alive, it's alive it's...Little Steven's Underground Garage, Underground garage

It went a long time without listening to the radio. When I was a kid I didn't listen to music that much. My parents were also incredibly strict about what I was allowed to listen to/ watch. So much so that I think my current obsession with TV/Movies grew out of it. ("I will watch this not because I want to but because I can and no one can stop me!") Then in high school I listened to the "alternative" radio station until it stopped playing music worth listening too, which was around the time Creed started to dominate the airwaves.
For a while I had a hard time finding or discovering music. I didn't like much of the current stuff, the music my friends listened to didn't do much for me either and I didn't know any die hard music fans to point out cool upcoming bands to me. I was floundering, searching for something new and refreshing. Little did I know that the new and refreshing thing would come from the past.
I was driving home on a Sunday night and turned my radio to a station that I never listened to. There was a rocking song that I never heard before followed by the coolest voice I had ever heard on the radio. The show I was listening to was Little Steven and the Underground Garage and it would grow to become one of my favorite radio shows of all time.
Some of you all may know the host "Little" Steven Van Zandt from his guitar playing in Bruce Springsteens E Street Band. Others may know him from his role on The Sopranos. I didn't watch that show and I didn't listen to Springsteen until after I discovered the Undergound Garage. It was a fantastic revelation. I started listening to The Underground Garage every Sunday. I also discovered that all the shows are available to listen to online. FOR FREE. Every single show he has done since 2002 is available to listen too. Fantastic. It is my number one thing to listen to whenever I am writing.

Van Zandt believes in a music philophsy that all rock and roll started in the fifties and continued onward to this day, therefore he plays rock from every single decade and doesn't label it as anything other than rock and roll. He plays everything from The Beatles to Cheap Trick to Dave Clark Five to White Stripes to bizarre stuff that I have never heard of before.
Also the man is a powerhouse. The two hour show is written, produced and hosted all by him. It's not just music either. He always has little monolouges and stories about the bands and what happened behind the songs being produced. He has two weekly features "The Coolest Song in the World This Week" in which he highlights a particular song to showcase and "The Freak of the Week". The Freak of the Week segment is my favorite, Van Zandt picks a figue that relates to the theme that week (did I mention the show has themes, awesome themes, the other day was film noir) and writes a great little peice about that figure. He has done ones on Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, Timothy Leary, Tiny Tim, Johnny Carson, Terry Sourthern and many more.

I love this show. It is perfect "writing music" at least for me in my style of writing and comedy. It sends me to itunes on a regular basis looking up the playlist of the show and has one of the best rock and roll hosts I have ever heard. Go, give it a shot. www.littlestevensundergroundgarage.com

Here's to the "Freak of the Decade" 'Little' Steven Van Zandt!

Oh and he posted his essential garage rock songs. Makes a great playlist

The Electric Prunes - I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night

Count Five - Psychotic Reaction

The Amboy Dukes - Journey To The Center Of The Mind

The Knickerbockers - One Track Mind

Blues Magoos - We Ain't Got Nothin' Yet

The Shadows of Knight - Gloria

Paul Revere&The Raiders - Just Like Me

Nazz - Open My Eyes

The Thirteenth Floor Elevators - You're Gonna Miss Me

The Pretty Things - Midnight to Six Man

The Strangeloves - Night Time

The Seeds - Pushin' Too Hard

Barry & The Remains - Don't Look Back

Creation - Making Time

The Troggs - I Can't Control Myself

The Kingsmen - Louie Louie

Tomorrow - My White Bicycle

Small Faces - Itchycoo Park

Strawberry Alarm Clock - Incense and Peppermints

Velvet Underground - Sweet Jane

MC5 - Shakin' Street

The Stooges - Search And Destroy

The Timmy Wood Thursday 11/19/09

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:11:24 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Something to hold you off until the weekend!

Welcome to The Timmy Wood Thursday, a humor column to hold you off until the weekend. This week,

Timmy visits a Diggnation live show having never seen Diggnation or really knowing what it is!

Featuring:
WonderAli
Conor Kilpatrick
and Sam the Drunk Guy!

Last week I received a direct message from WonderAli that there was a Diggnation live show and she asked if I was going to go. I am aware of this show Diggnation. I know that it involves that Digg button seen next to articles on the internet. I also know that it is somehow involves drinking, nerd talk and people arguing about Macs VS PC's. I must have gotten this information via internet osmosis as I have never seen the show in my life. Other things I have gathered through internet osmosis: Battlestar Galactica references, The Decemberists, and giving Zooey Deschanel more credit then she deserves. I do know that Revision3 produces the show and also another show I love, the fantastic iFanboy, so I thought Why not? Maybe I will get to match faces with twitter avatars.
I arrive at the Manhattan center and worry that the event has already started. There wasn't line or any thing. The doorman looks right at my hoodie, plastic man t-shirt, and my desperate need of a haircut hair and says
DOORMAN: Diggnation?
ME: yes
DOORMAN : Are you on the guest list?

This is a question that always throws me for a loop. I swear I was some sort of con man in a past life. Some sort of Bob Hope, Lemon Drop Kid-esqe character, always conning his way into rich parties and eating their fancy foods and drinking their fancy alcohol all while saying zings and one liners. Thoughts quickly shot through my head. What could the perks be if I was on the guest list? What happens if I say yes and he doesn't find my name? This guy is tall I wonder if he plays basketball?

DOORMAN: Are you on the guest list?
ME: Yes!
DOORMAN: What's your name?
ME: Wait no. No. I am not on the guest list.
DOORMAN: Why would you say yes then?
ME: I don't know.
DOORMAN: Alright take the elevator up to the seventh floor.

I walked to the elevator and remember that I am not Bob Hope. I am Timmy Wood, the guy who get's paranoid about getting caught and being in trouble. I have been to jail before (true story but for another day kiddos) and it has put me on the straight and narrow ever since.
I walk into the room and it is a pretty big setup. A large ball room with a stage at the end of it. On the stage is a couch and two big screens which say Diggnation. Music is playing and people are drinking and chatting. I also notice that there is a bar on the opposite side of the ballroom. The place is almost half full but that seems to be because people are spread out. I head to the bar to get an alcoholic beverage.

I order a beer and as I hand the bartender the money and a hand reaches out and intercepts it.
MAN: No, I got this!
ME: Wow, thanks.
MAN: Don't worry, I've got a free drink ticket.
ME: Hey how did you get those?

He then tells me about his company and they are running the event, or at least the drinks at it, he gives me another drink ticket and his business card. Free drinks! I'm feeling like Bob Hope already.
I meet WonderAli and the show begins. She hasn't seen the show either. The two main guys come out and the audience yells. They all yell out jokes and hold up silly signs for them to sign. The two guys are fun, silly and play with the crowd. It doesn't seem like a show but more like a frat party. Except replace the Abercrombie shirts and anorexic sorority girls with Admiral Acbar and Booth Babes shooting t-shirt guns, respectively of course. I'm on my second drink and realize that this is pretty fun and I am having a good time. More free drink tickets are handed out and the real show starts.
I am sure the majority of you that are reading this are familiar with the show but I am sure there are those who aren't. Diggnation is two guys talking about the top stories that have been dugg, digged or whatever the past tense verb they choose to use. They go through the stories making inside jokes I don't get but again I don't care because I HAVE FREE ALCOHOL!

The show wraps up, more free stuff is given out and people start mingling again. One of the booth babes that was throwing out shirts starts dancing with a man to a Gorillaz song. The man looks old, drunk and out of place but he does not care. He is having a blast. I am too really. I make a mental note to check out this Diggnation show and see if the internet version lives up to the live version. Do they email you free drink tickets? How does that work?
I notice Conor Kilpatrick, one of the founders of this site and iFanboy, and go talk to him. He was very nice and it was great meeting him. Being on beer #4 I am starting to get a little "Tipsy Russel" and decide to head home. I say bye to WonderAli and thank her for inviting me.

Before I left I wanted to meet a Diggnation fan and I did. His name was Sam. Sam approached me as I was walking outside the building. He had no clue who I was but didn't care. He also had no reason to approach me. I am still not sure why but he did. All he knew was that I was a Diggnation fan too, or at least he thought I was.

SAM: Wasn't that awesome? Wasn't that great?
ME: Yeah! It totally was.
SAM: Look what they signed for me!

Sam held up his plastic beer cup, now empty, but had the two stars of Diggnation's signature.

SAM: If only I could have gotten Kregger and Hippies signature then it would be perfect but I think they left.
ME: I bet you could find them if you tried hard enough.
SAM: Nah, this is totally worth it though. I don't know what to do now. Do I frame it? Do I drink out of it EVERY DAY! It is now a glorious cup!
ME: I suggest framing it. Find a nice cup frame. I am sure there is someplace that will do it.
SAM: And you couldn't have asked for two nicer guys. So nice. Have you ever met Fran Tarkenton?

NOTE: I don't watch or pay attention to football. Nevertheless my answer is still stupid

ME:No. What internet show is he on?
SAM: No. He's a football player. I met him once and he was such a jerk. Have you ever met either of the Manning brothers?
ME: No, but I know they are football players!
SAM: The nicest guys in the world. Alright I gotta get back to my dorm. LOVE DIGGNATION! WOOOOO!

Such enthusiasm but from a good place. So there you have it, I have been part of the Diggnation experience and it was fun.
That's all for today folks!

You can find him on twitter or his blog. If you are Sam or anyone else you can email him at thetimmywoodshow@gmail.com .

Murmur Mix Tape #3 - Thanksgivin'

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:17:17 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Another Mixtape. This time about what we are thankful for!

Guess what Murmurites? It's time for another mixtape! Since Thanksgiving is this week everyone has presented mixtapes full of bands or songs that they are thankful for. Keep them to ten or less and show us what songs/bands you cannot live with out. You see that our regular DJs DaveC and WonderAli have posted their mixs, and what's this? We have a special guest DJ in the house tonight? Ladies and Gentlemen, you know him from the podcast KwokTalk. Put your hands togethor for LouisKwok!

Regina Spektor - "Us"
It?s been years since I have fallen as completely in love with a movie soundtrack as I did with (500) Days of Summer, which also introduced me to Regina Spektor for the first time.
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks to Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie) and Zooey Deschannel for getting married and providing us with the cutest indie couple in recent memory.

The Hood Internet - "The Beastie Boys vs. Matt&Kim"
Quietly the best mash-up DJs not named Girl Talk, the duo dropped their fourth album on the internet (for free!) this month. Head over to their website and be sure to download this amazing party on a disc.
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks to Matt&Kim for releasing Grand, possibly the best album of this year.

Wale (f. Lady Gaga) - "Chillin"
Be sure to check out this wonderful (and free) mix from an up-and-coming MC, sure to be coming soon to a major label near you. Who else would drop a verse name checking Golden State Warriors icon Chris Mullin?
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks to Lady Gaga for providing the strangest and most original/compelling SNL musical performance this season. How is she going to play the piano with that bubble suit on? Is she just making up lyrics now? Did she just drop the s-bomb?

Jay-Z (f. Alicia Keys) - "Empire State of Mind"
While it wasn?t up to par with The Blueprint, thankfully The Blueprint 3.0 was a whole lot better than The Blueprint 2.0.
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks to Alicia Keys for doing charity work to help provide medication for African children with HIV/AIDS.

St. Vincent - "Actor Out of Work"
Unexpectedly, St. Vincent put on the best show I?ve been to this year - an interesting blend of intimacy, grace, and power.
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks that the horrible cover for her album, Actor, was in no way a reflection as to how fantastic the album actually turned out to be

Weezer - "Put Me Back Together"
I expected another complete disaster from Rivers Cuomo and crew, but surprisingly Raditude was probably the best Weezer album since Blue/Pinkerton
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks for the insanely brilliant marketing that inspired the creation of the Weezer Snuggie.

Dirty Projectors + David Byrne "Knotty Pine"
The benefit album for the Red Hot Organization charity that proved that compilations don?t have to be composed of throwaway songs, but can be a viable creative endeavor
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks for this song starting the album, letting me discover Dirty Projectors, and resulting in me getting and loving their newest album Bitte Orca

Taylor Swift - "Fearless"
Yeah, it wasn?t released in 2009, but yes it was that good. Completely polished and produced, but an album full of pop gems
Optional Thanksgiving: Thanks for the digital music revolution that lets me purchase albums like this in anonymity, saving me the embarrassment of having to actually walk into a store and physically buying it

That Beastie Boys/Matt and Kim Mashup is fantastic. Thanks LouisKwok, and that's not all folks....

Oh! Darling The Beatles
Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games Of Montreal
The Lady Is A Tramp Frank Sinatra
Hey Sandy Polaris
Ace of Spades Motorhead
Baba O'Riley The Who
A Tout La Moude Megadeth
Danny Boy King's Singer's
It's All Been Done Barenaked Ladies
Letover Wine Melanie
I Want The One I Can't Have The Smiths

And last but not least!

I know this is a random mish-mosh of music. Honestly, I'm surprised by half the stuff on here, but I am very thankful for all of it.

1. "Don't You Want Me" - The Human League
This is the first song I learned to sing (at least that I remember). I was about 4 years old and my older cousin Gina decided I needed to learn some pop music.
2. "Material Girl" - Madonna
Shortly after learning some Human League, I moved on to Madonna. Which I would sing and dance to in my room for hours.
3. "One Step Beyond" - Madness
I like ska. It's fun, it's happy, and it makes me smile.
4. "Come on Eileen" - Dexy's Midnight Runners
This is one of my all time favorite songs. Fun Fact: When I was a kid I thought the song was "Come on Ali" because that's how my mom used to sing it... I was 17 when I found out it was Eileen.
5. "Ask" - The Smiths
I few years ago, I had to share an office at work. It was a tiny office and there were two of us. It could have gotten really ugly in there, but somehow we bonded over The Smiths. Whenever things were getting stressful, one of us would throw on the Singles album and everything was OK.
6. "Mysterious Ways" - U2
I know, I know. Bono is a pain in the ass these days. But do yourself a favor and go back and listen to Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby and you'll know why I'm thankful for them.
7. "Here Comes the Sun" - The Beatles
Everyone should be thankful for The Beatles.
8. "Old Apartment" - Barenaked Ladies
The Barenaked Ladies could be my favorite band, they're definitely my favorite live band. They make me happy, or sad, or silly, or whatever I need. And for thank I am thankful.
9. "So What" - Pink
I freakin' love Pink! She's loud and angry and awesome and just what I need lately.
10. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Glee Cast
Glee is my favorite show on television right now, and I owe it all to that wonderful performance of Journey's Don't Stop Believin' in the pilot.

Alright Murmurites! Let's hear what you got. Top 10 bands/songs you are thankful for! GO!

Chatterboxing #1 - The Laughter Edition

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:27:00 GMT

by: TimmyWood
A round table discussion

MODERATOR: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the very first installment of Chatterboxing, the feature in which a roundtable of Mumurites discuss a topic. Today?s roundtable consists of DAVECARR, JEFFRREID, JIMSKI, WONDERALI and TIMMYWOOD. The topic: Comedy, what is making us laugh right now or what isn?t exactly tickling our funny bone but should be.

Let?s kick it off with the sitcoms on television right now. Which ones are you loving, hating or indifferent towards and why? You ready? CHATTERBOXES GO!

JEFFRREID: Ah, comedy on television. I do enjoy it so. Comedy and reality are
my two favorite genres of television and that is where I spend my of
my time when plopped down on the couch. Hour-long dramas dramas don't
really do it for me because I feel that I've either come to the party
too late to jump on now without playing some major catch-up (LOST, MAD
MEN, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS) or they're too repetitive to really hold my
interest week-in and week-out (NCIS, CSI, LAW&ORDER, etc).

But, comedies? I'll watch comedies for hours in a row.

Take, for example, Thursday nights on NBC. I sit in front of my
television for those two hours that NBC is trying to build back up as
'must-see TV.' They've got me tight with those shows and they're not
letting me go.

COMMUNITY - I'll admit that, originally, Chevy Chase wasn't much of a
draw for me on this show. I suppose that I'm just too young to
remember his hay day, but his recent resume wasn't exactly knocking me
out. He's certainly grown on me. In a recent episode, I laughed very
loudly as he had the most awkward, slow fall into a pile of band
instruments that I'd ever seen. And it was the second time he'd
fallen into that same bunch in the episode. He's still got it.

Surprisingly, the rest of the cast does too. When the plot focuses on
the relationships between the secondary cast and not just whether Joel
McHale will get with the female lead or not, this show is solid.

PARKS&RECREATION - While I thought the first season was just okay,
this second season is working for me. Again, it's the supporting cast
that makes or breaks shows for me, and Aziz Anasari and Nick Offerman
kill me on that show. I've got some good will towards Amy Poehler but
I watch the show for everyone around her.

THE OFFICE - Does this show still consistently hit the highs it once
did back during seasons two and three? More often than not, no. The
socially awkward comedy may be all dried up for me now, as I no longer
find myself wincing. But, the wedding episode of Jim and Pam caused
my wife to tear up with its ending. On an unrelated note, I think
some dust got into my sinuses during that particular ending as well.
Any time you're so deeply invested in characters that you cry over
something as formulaic as a wedding in a several year-old television
program, you're hooked.

30 ROCK - I'm torn on this one. Maybe it's because it's at the end of
this block, but I don't find myself loving these episodes as I once
did. Sure, I do laugh loudly at certain jokes, but I don't feel like
I'm missing other jokes during that laughter. In earlier seasons,
this was not the case. I still enjoy it for what it is, but I find
myself enjoying other shows during this line-up more now.

Other shows I routinely watch:

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - Watched the first season on DVD this summer
and now I never miss a new episode.

THE SOUP - The perfect mixture of reality TV and comedy. Thanks to
E!'s near constant weekend repeats, we try to catch this every
weekend.

I'm trying to catch up on IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA also via
DVD, which is another winner.

Anyone else feel differently about any of these shows?

TIMMYWOOD: I know that it's been covered quite a bit on the podcast but NBC has the four funniest comedies right now. I cannot sing enough praises about Community and Parks and Recreation has grown on me.
I don't think 30 Rock has lost it. It is still hilarious to me.
It seems ABC had been trying to do a comedy block with their Wednesday nights, although they already canceled the Kelsey Grammer Sitcom, Hank. I watched the pilots to all of them and they didn't do much for me. Modern Family seems to be the best of the bunch and the most popular.
I thought Cougar Town was bad and The Middle mediocre. Has anyone stuck with the ABC comedy Wednesday?

DAVE: Modern Family on ABC is almost as good as Community. It has a similar whimsical tone that does not mitigate the Heart of the characters or the "issues" tackled.
Let's not forget The Daily Show, one of the finest pieces of satire on the Television media. Always a laugh. This piece on CNN was especially good.

TIMMY:I actually disagree with that. I watched a couple of episodes of Modern Family and it is funny but a little too sentimental for me. I keep expecting Danny Tanner to show up, give a little pep talk and hug everyone.
However if the woman who plays Ed O'neil's wife on that show wanted to console me I would not stop her. Yowza!

DAVE: LIVE UPDATE: The Geeks on Big Bang the Geeks (minus Sheldon) are high off of pot brownies. Hilarity. And Sheldon accidentally touched Penny's breast.*

*MODERATOR: Dave was watching Big Bang Theory as we were doing this.

ALI: And now they're singing Soft Kitty!**

**MODERATOR: And so was WonderAli apperantly.

TIMMY: So I take it you guys enjoy watching BIG BANG THEORY as well.

DAVE: Yes

JEFF: What do you guys like about the show? I've only ever seen the Will
Wheaton episode, which I did rather like. But that's the only episode
that I've ever seen all the way through.

ALI: It's my favorite multi-camera sitcom. I love this show. I feel like since The Office (and even Scrubs) networks have been gearing towards the documentary-style format for sitcoms, which is cool and all, but sometimes I enjoy three camera and a laugh track. I think Big Bang is nailing this. I wasn't crazy about the show when it first started but it's really hit it's stride. I think the writing is great and I love the geek references they through in. And I like the nice bit of continuity they've got going with all of Sheldon's OCD habits - Jim Parsons totally deserved the Emmy for this show.
The only other CBS sitcom I watch is How I Met Your Mother - which I've been watching since early in season one. I think it's because the show is basically a huge digression from the main story of how Ted met his kids' mother - and that's usually how I talk. NPH is freaking hilarious as Barney and I adore Alyson Hannigan. But they really need to do more with Jason Segal as Marshall; they've been neglecting him lately and he's also hysterical when they let him be.
As far as hour-longs go, I would put both Glee and Desperate Housewives in the comedy category, even though Glee is a musical and DH is a prime-time soap. I usually end up laughing and smiling during these show than anything else.

TIMMY: Desperate Housewives is a show I had forgotten was even still on the air until I saw the reviews you were doing of it on the site. This bewilders me because when that show premiered everyone seemed to be watching it or talking about it. Now I never hear about it or see any ads it seems like. Is it still as good as it was? How are the ratings do you know? How many more seasons is it going to last? Which season is it in even? Why do I have so many questions based on this show?

DAVE: I have always disliked the laugh track, but I agree with the multicamera thesis. The Big Bang is truly an ensemble, even if there is always a clearly delineated A&B Plot. Simple structure is not inherently bad. (though I find it annoying).
Has anyone watched chuck, the New Kelsey Grammar Show?

TIMMY: You are thinking of HANK which has already been canceled and was pretty bad. How I Met Your Mother is possibly the most conflicting sitcom on the tube for me. I don't watch it regularly but sometimes if I notice it's on I will. Some episodes I find genius and great and smart and inventive BUT sometimes I watch it and it's tired and cliched. The characters are fun and Harris has proven that he is the star of the show.
Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I hate it. Never in the middle for me.

JEFF: I've found that even when some episodes aren't the best in terms of
plot, the character moments make it for me. That's a strong cast and
with even less than stellar material, they find their beats and make
their joke land. But yeah, Harris totally steals the show.

JIMSKI: have gotten terrible about trying new things on TV. 90% of the people on network television are off doing whatever they do without me even knowing about them. I read today that Kelsey Grammer's show got canceled, and also, Kelsey Grammer had a show. I'm looking at last week's ratings right now, and I feel like I'm observing a distant planet through a telescope. "NCIS is the top-rated show? In the country? Which country is that?"

At some point a year or two ago, I saw the screen in my living room swallowing up my life and drew a line in the sand. "Everything else is on DVD now, after 100 people tell me it's good."

Nonetheless, things still slip through the cracks. I accepted Community into the inner circle this fall, and there's been no looking back. I signed on for Joel McHale, but Chevy Chase is also really redeeming himself 22 minutes at a time. I had read too much about Chase over the years to truly appreciate him for a while. He is the living Exhibit A of a phenomenon I call the Venkman Paradox: the character is funny in a movie, but if you actually spent time with a guy who acted like that you would murder him with his own shoelaces within a week. (This is alternately known as the Axel Foley Principle.) Fletch in a movie is hilarious; Fletch every day is an aaaa-hole, and Chase apparently had no "off" switch for about 25 years. (Suggested reading) In recent years, he seems to have been humbled, which I hear is good for you.

NBC's Thursday night is basically all I watch besides House and Lost. People who don't love 30 Rock with all their hearts are to me like pygmies: I believe they exist, but I can't really conceptualize them and doubt we'd have much to talk about. The Office had deteriorated from something I anticipate to something I accept; it went from an awkward workplace comedy to a bizarre, unrelatable transmission from the planet Nebulon a couple of years ago. I pinpoint it at the moment when Michael Scott drove his car into a lake because his GPS told him there was a road there. You remember the time your friend did that? What? You don't? Because no one would ever, ever do that? I see.

This could be a whole talk by itself: what the hell happened to The Simpsons?

How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory fall into the category of "shows my wife watches that don't make me leave the room." I have seen so many sitcoms in my life that the traditional ones tend to drive me through a me-shaped hole in the wall, but both of these are smartly written with engaging characters. There are much worse ways to spend an hour.

JEFF: Due to my schedule, certain nights just aren't conducive to watching
television. Wednesday is just one of those nights where I work late,
so I only have time for GLEE at 9. That pretty much wraps up my
television for that night.

The only show that I've seen a few times that I actively dislike is
THE JAY LENO SHOW. I feel that if we talk about this one too much,
it's just going to become a Leno-bash, but goodness, this idea has
certainly failed so far. As was pointed out by a writer for the AV
Club, Jay Leno isn't the most remembered thing about his own show.
Jay's biggest ratings to date where his interview with Kanye West in
which he asked a really awkward question that about half of America
thought was inappropriate.Jay Leno just isn't known for his comedy.

JIMSKI: You're not wrong, but it kills me because Jay Leno was a god once. Now, sure, he is my standard for proving America doesn't know anything. Whenever I'm in an argument and someone says, "Well, most people agree that ______," my go-to comebacks are "Most people can't find America on a map" and "Most people watch Jay Leno." Back in the day, though, when he used to guest host for Johnny Carson? When he used to be a guest on Letterman's NBC show? Jay Leno was untouchable. He didn't get his job by accident. I cannot fathom what the hell happened to him when he got the big chair. Maybe he was just desperate to be liked by everyone, and someone convinced him that everyone is an idiot. But you young'uns should search Youtube sometime for "Leno on Letterman." Why, here, I've done it for you! HERE.

DAVE: I have a theory on that, Jim. I'm glad you asked. There is a scene in Jerry Seinfeld's COMEDIAN wherin Jerry and Jay are talking about Seinfeld pledge not to ever re-use any of his old act. Jay is flabbergasted at the notion that a comedic would swear off his old material to see if he can roll with the young Guns.
"I could never do that" says Jay. And indeed he cannot. I have no doubt that he still writes fresh material and performs, but he hasn't stylistically evolved. Seinfeld is still very cerebral and analytical when discussing everyday conundrums/linguistics, but his delivery is more story driven and contemporary. He has abandoned the Socratic in favor of the declarative storyteller.
Jay is still a Rodney Dangerfield esque one two guy that he was for The Tonight Show.

TIMMY: Jim's right Leno did have some great stand up years before he got the tonight show gig.
I think we have summed up that NBC seems to be one destination we all agree on when it comes to sitcoms, despite the fact that their ratings aren't great (with the exception of the Office)

JIMSKI: Personally, the amount of prime time TV I watch is infinitesimal compared to my late night intake. Conan, Letterman, SNL, Fallon, Jon Stewart... the bulk of my DVR's memory is devoted to the timely/disposable stuff. The first episode of the Colbert Report was the most perfectly realized 20 minutes of television in a decade, but I haven't watched him in months because after a while it gets exhausting: "My God, is he really going to do this guy every night?"

MODERATOR: What a great segue Jim. Let's move on to variety/talk shows that have been dominating the airwaves? There has already been a nice discussion about Fallon but what are you guys thinking of the other talk shows like Conan, Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, Craig Ferguson, The Wanda Sykes Show, Last Call with Carson Daly, The Monique Show, Chelsea Lately, Lopez Tonight and of course The Jay Leno Show? How many late night talk shows can we handle and which ones do you think will be canceled or be successful?

TIMMY: And Don't forget the shows that have been attempted and canceled lately like TALKSHOW with SPIKE FERESTEN and David Alan Griers awful CHOCOLATE NEWS!

MODERATOR: Who is the moderator here me or you?

TIMMY: *Sigh* You are.

MODERATOR: Thank you.

JEFF: That is a very impressive list. And I must say that I watch very
little of any of those shows. During my college days, Letterman and
Conan were a frequent part of my evening ritual, especially if I was
doing some homework into the wee hours. Since then, I doubt I've
watched even five episodes of either series. Sure, I'll catch the
occasional clip if something strikes the pop culture sensibility for
the day, but that's my limit. Even THE DAILY SHOW and COLBERT REPORT, also former favorite shows,
have gone by the wayside in the past few years. Both Jon Stewart and
Stephen Colbert are hilarious and any DVD compilation of either of
them is a must-buy for me, but they're so terribly depressing.
Beneath the jokes there's a level of sadness as these guys use humor
to point out problems with how media and politics work in this
country. They're right and it's not funny for me at a certain point.
I balance out my not watching of them by not watching 24 hour news
channels either.
Oh, but then they do something ludicrously silly like this and I love
them.

TIMMY: Does anyone else miss the use of the correspondents on the Daily Show. Carrel, Colbert, Cordry and Helms would have me laughing until I cried when they are on the show. Now it seems that they use them less and less. Rob Riggle and John Oliver are hilarious though. The show isn't less funny either necessarily. I just miss the correspondents.

JIMSKI: See, personally, I tend to skip the "man on the street" interview segments because I cringe too much for their interview subjects. I love everything that happens on the premises of the Daily Show studio, but the interviews take me out of the moment, wondering, "How could this idiot not know he's being mocked?"

TIMMY: One of my favorites was a woman being interviewed by John Oliver. The majority of the interview: How she didn't want to be interviewed.
"Jon Stewart has an agenda! He hates America! He has an agenda!" That's what she kept yelling.

ALI: I love everything that happens on the premises of the Daily Show studio, but the interviews take me out of the moment, wondering, "How could this idiot not know he's being mocked?"
I think that's why we're seeing less of the correspondents - people are familiar enough the the Daily Show that they know they're going to be mocked. The element of surprise that made some of those old interviews great is completely gone. it's also not as fresh and new as it was seven or eight years ago.
The Colbert Report uses that to it's advantage. The people going on that show to be interviewed know what's coming and they (usually) have fun with it.
Kind of an aside: my all time favorite Daily Show moment is from back when Colbert was still a correspondant. He was reporting (I think) on the big royal fox hunt in Britain. The report was packed with homosexual innuendo and at one point Colbert just loses it and starts cracking up. I love it! I'll dig up a link to it when I'm not at work :)

TIMMY: I do find it phenomenal that The Colbert Report is just Steven Colbert and nobody else for almost the whole show (until the interview part) and he stays funny and fresh every time.

JEFF: The element of surprise that made some of those old interviews great
is completely gone.
True. This is the same problem that Sacha Baron Cohen has had after
the characters Ali G and, especially, Borat blew up so large. I'm
actually surprised that he could find people who didn't know who he
was so he could make BRUNO. I'm curious where else he can go as a
comedian since his style of ambush comedy has to be hard to do when
people are in on the joke.

TIMMY: Coming back to the over saturation of talks shows ( God that was a long list) I used to have a dream of hosting my own late night talk show and now I just dream about when we can someday have fewer of them. The genre has become a parody of itself. There are no rules that you need an opening monologue, a musical sidekick and a desk. Yet every show feels the need to have them, so every talk show comes off the same with just different hosts. And whose idea was it for there always to be so much of the color "purple" on the sets. Seriously, does only one guy do all the set designs for these shows?
DAVE: I agree that the form needs to be reevaluated; I disagree with the need for fewer.
God love both of them Jimmy and Conan do not need the monologue. I would be fine with cold open or sketches. Kimmel and Letterman are the only ones who seem to understand the topical nature of the monologue and its proper pacing and neither man is consistently masterful at it.
Craig Ferguson's 15 minute monster after his cold open cannot be classified as a monologue. Performance Art is the only term which approximates what his show is. I never can tell what is scripted and what is improvised. I don't even think Craig knows. The best thing about the Late Late Show is that it is Craig's show. Everything flows from Craig. Craig's Eulogy of his father is one of my favorite moments in television history. So touching.
Letterman is the first human I ever witnessed on television. I never slept through the night and my father and I always watched it. For that, I'm fiercely loyal to Dave. His palpable cynicism can be overwhelming, but since the scandal his beloved quirky humanity, that is definitely Carson (esque) has resurfaced. Like in his Halloween costume sketch. Every year these are good.
Kimmel has some genuinely funny moments. Like the Barbershop Handshake or Unnecessary Censorship.
I still haven't figured out Chelsea yet and George is still Green. Wanda's upcoming show makes me excited. I AM addicted to late Night. I want to host my own if only for a single day.

I'll stop gushing for now.

TIMMY: The ads for Lopez were a turnoff for me, I also haven't been a fan of his stand up or sitcom work so I hadn't planned on watching him on a talk show. I like Wanda Sykes a little bit and I did watch the first episode of her new show. That's when i realized that it was only a little bit. She's great in small doses but I couldn't take the whole show of hers. The pilot episode made it seem like a weird mashup between Arsenio Halls show and Chelsea Lately. She also has a Drag Queen that comes out and does bits and plays a game called "Know your asians" in which her and her guests try to figure out the ethnicity of certain famous Asians. It was as funny as it sounds. AND again with all the purple, why so much purple on that set?!

DAVE : Did I miss the Pilot? Fuck, I'm behind

TIMMY: They first two episodes are on Hulu if you want to check it out. In defense of late night, I will and always have loved Conan and Fallon as grown on me. AD Miles is Fallon's head writer and that guy is a funny man.
Also this has been my favorite bit so far on the Fallon Show.
What does everyone think of SNL this season? Is there any other alternative comedy show you are enjoying?

MODERATOR: Dammit Timmy, stop trying to steal my job!

TIMMY: Sorry.

MODERATOR: So...What does everyone think of SNL this season? Is there any other alternative comedy show you are enjoying?

ALI: Honestly, I haven't watched SNL in years. I usually just pull up stuff online when I hear it's particulary funny. That said, I think Andy Samberg's web/music stuff is genius! And (I never thought I'd say this) Justin Timberlake is fantastic! My favorites (and it's possible this is all of them) are: Dick in a Box, Mother Lover, I'm on a Boat, and the one with Natalie Portman. There's also an early one with Chris Parnell called Lazy Sunday (I think) and the Chronicles of Narnia and Lord of the Rings movies.

JIMSKI: I don't know what's going on with SNL this year; the cast is as good as it has ever been, the writing staff from last year is virtually unchanged, yet for some reason they cannot seem to get it together like they did last year. People say elections invigorate them, but personally I'm more apt to blame the hosts. What a bewildering smörgåsbord of "whaaa?" that list has been. Megan Fox, and the hilarious Gerard Butler? The empty abyss shaped like January Jones? What could possibly go wrong, wringing comedy from this Algonquin round table of luminaries?

It still has its moments. We're not at 1994-95 levels yet. Years of "Best of" collections have obscured the fact that the show has always been uneven. We're two weeks away from the release of the Season Five DVD, and that is going to be fascinating; that was the year Aykroyd and Belushi left, leaving Bill Murray to play the white male in every sketch, making him what some might think of as the Kristen Wiig of 1979.

You know what is having a renaissance in my house right now? Monty Python. The "Almost the Truth" documentary on IFC reminded me that, although I was a huge fan back in the VHS eighties, I probably haven't seen half the episodes. I have a lot of discs to get through.

TIMMY: Jimski always beats me to the points I want to make.
I am not sure what's the deal with season is, especially when the most successful episode was the Taylor Swift hosted one. That was nowhere near the quality it could have been and it was after having two weeks off.
The one part of the show that has remained consistent and strong is Seth Meyers weekend update, which I have loved. I think he's my favorite after Norm Macdonald (yes and before you ask I am well aware of the Fey/Fallon update)
Also the star of the show is Bill Hader. He is the one I look forward the most to seeing. I love his characters, his impressions and his acting choices. Also Bobby Moynihan doesn't get enough attention either.
I hoping they pull out of this slump and soon especially after the January Jones episode. (Grace Kelly farting may be funny on paper but..eh..no actually its not really even funny on paper.)
Also the digital short has become the new "it's Pat" sketch. Something they do every week whether they have an idea to support it or not.
Jason Sudekis is great sketch actor and Wiig when she has the right character can outshine everyone. Samberg is funny in the same way your best friend in high school was funny, which isn't a bad thing, and the new girls are both very attractive and that's all they have really shown me. Sometimes Kenan is awful and sometimes amazing. Forte and Amissen are so weird its wonderful and head scratching at the same time.

ALI: I know we're trying to stay current, but... I pretty much grew up on re-runs of classic SNL and SCTV on Nick at Nite. At the time, my three favorite "real people" on TV were Wonder Woman, Gilda Radner and Andrea Martin. 6-year old Ali thought it was hysterical whenever Gilda had the Brownie uniform on... I also thought Bill Murray was mean for always giving her noogies in that one sketch that I'll find somewhere online three weeks from now.

JIMSKI: Oh, he noogied with love. There were many, many of those "Nerds" sketches; now that you know them by name, you will probably find about ten this afternoon.
SCTV is the other Netflix disc I have right now, as luck would have it. I love rewatching these things and thinking, "Wow. I had no business watching this in 1983. My parents were negligent criminals." Most of my earliest childhood memories are of being traumatized by SNL sketches, the most insidious being Julia Child bleeding to death and the ritualistic torture of Mr. Bill.

TIMMY: Yes. SCTV and early SNL chatter. I love sketch. Its my favorite form of comedy. I am saddened by the lack of sketch shows on right now. We have SNL and it looks like all the Human Giant guys have moved on to other things. That was a fun show.
Did anyone watch Demetri Martins show?

JEFF: I have never seen Demetri's show, but I know that a few of the teens
at my library have expressed their enjoyment of him as a comic. And
before you think I'm creepy, I'm a teen librarian so I need to know
what they enjoy.

JIMSKI: If Demetri Martin's show doesn't get brought back and Jeff Dunham's is a huge hit, I'm checking out of society.

JEFF: Jeff Dunham's show had a big drop in viewers after the first episode.Probably due to the World Series. I haven't seen the numbers from his
third episode though. He did show up on 30 Rock, which saddened me.
You're better than that, 30 Rock.

TIMMY: I love Demetri Martin as a stand up but didn't care for his show. I thought it lacked some energy and was somewhat boring *shields face while other chatter boxers throws things at him*

ALI: I'm with Timmy on this one. I love his stand-up but the show was... eh. Also, I've never been a fan of Jeff Dunham. He's actually a really sloppy ventriloquist and I never thought his act was that funny... I have no clue why people love him.

JIMSKI: I always enjoyed Human Giant. I liked VH1's "Acceptable TV" a lot, too.
I have tried to get into Upright Citizen's Brigade, but Netflix policy apparently holds that those discs must be transported under the mail truck. They're always horribly mangled.

JEFF: The closest 'sketch' show that I've watched recently is RENO 911!
This really does straddle the line between sketch and improve though,
since I believe all of the dialog is made up as the scene progresses.
However, there is an overall narrative thrust that everyone is aware
of before the scene starts, so it's more of a Christopher Guest film
but on TV. Sadly, it's also been canceled, which is a shame. I have
to admit that I haven't been watching it regularly recently, so I'm
probably partly to blame for its demise. In my defense, trying to
figure out when a season started and ended, along with what night it
premiered, was a hassle.

Aside from that, and HUMAN GIANT and SNL, I really can't think of any
other sketch shows that have been out recently. Is the format dipping
until the next great show like KIDS IN THE HALL gets made in a few
years (or whenever)?

TIMMY: I think so. Chappelle's show was a huge success but since then the format has floundered. Even MADtv got canceled.

MODERATOR: Let's hear some more stand up talk.

TIMMY: So what's the deal with airplane food...

MODERATOR: I meant talk about stand ups.

TIMMY: Damn

ALI: Speaking of stand up. Two words Patton Oswalt!

JEFF: Yes. Patton Oswalt is great. His KFC Famous Bowls routine is a
favorite of mine. So funny.
When it comes to most stand-ups, I feel like I don't know as much as I
should. I've seen Jim Gaffigan's specials on Comedy Central and
they've made me laugh. Especially his thoughts on Hot Pockets.

One of the only comedians who I can claim to have seen before they got
famous(ish) is Mike Birbiglia. He played a college show where I went
to school and I got his autograph on his first self-produced album.
So far, this is the only time I can say that I knew about someone
before most everyone else did. I really enjoy his appearance on This American Life.

Wait. Dane Cook also played at my college before he got huge. I
enjoyed him for what he was and I actually continue to (mildly) do so.
It doesn't make sense to me why people tend to hate him so very much.
Is his stuff great? No. Do I actively hate him? No. His high
energy persona goes a long way with me, so I grant him some leeway.

However, the show that introduced me to more stand-up comedians than
any other was DR. KATZ, PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST. That show was nothing
more than animated versions of comedians doing their stand-up
routines.

Hey, you know how everyone hates on Aquaman for having lame powers?
You know who started that mind-set? Dave Chappelle. And he did it on
DR. KATZ.

I wish I had more experience with stand-ups that people love. I'm
thinking of Mitch Hedberg or Louis C.K. Their comedy albums do exist.
I just need to track them down.
Is there anyone else that I've missed and should be checking out?

ALI: Patton Oswalt is pretty much the only stand-up to get me to laugh so hard I cry. He's freaking hysterical... and a geek, which we all know I love.
Mike Birbiglia is another one of my favorites. I saw his one man show a few months ago. He's just adorable and funny and clean. Not that I don't like the dirty stuff (cause I totally do) but it's cool to listen to if little ones or your parents are around.

DAVE: Birbigs is awesome. Oswalt is good. Chesea Handler has her moments. Ellen's Stand up is fantastic. A very pregnant Caroline Rhea appeared at my Alma Mater and killed it. As did D.L Hughley
I gravitate to the story driven comics. Timmy and I have tried our hands at stand up. Has anyone performed any type of comedy?

JIMSKI: I wrote sketches in high school and had two lines in one of them. That's really all the world needs to see of my performing skills.
My personal favorite Patton Oswalt bit is about listening to the Chipmunks' Christmas song slowed down; it changes from a man singing with his chipmunks to three bored middle aged men being tormented by a demon.
Stand ups and Twitter, by the way, are made for each other. I have twenty people trying out new material on me all day for free.

TIMMY: I do a little stand up here and there. I'll be honest I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I enjoy doing sketch and improv, which I do a lot but there are a fair share of stand ups I really do enjoy.
I love both Patton Oswalt and Mike Birbiglia. I'm a big fan of story telling and Birbiglia does it well. Also there is a comic called Kyle Cease who I love. I love his energy and his jokes and everything. Don't take my word for it. Check him out here.

I actually went to a taping of a stand up show for Comedy Central recently. It was all Latin comics and it was pretty bad. By the way did you know that Puerto Ricans are stereotyped as cutting people in the face? Well I do now because I saw eight comics doing the same bit on it. One after another.
However one of the comedians, the one who was the host was great. His name was Dan Kennedy and his humor came from a really honest, original place as opposed to a stereotypical, easy one.

I don't really follow stand up. I also like Nick Swardson a lot and Eugene Mirman. Every time I read a quote from Emo Phillips it makes me laugh. That's about it though.
Oh I saw Brian Regan a year or so back and he is also fantastic. Check him out!

JIMSKI:Oh, and how could I forget this thing I just saw? Newsweek: terrified to be accused of bias, and then they pipe up on the most subjective thing in human experience.

TIMMY: I grow weary of the easy pot shots taken at some stand ups. I guarantee you the majority of people who make fun of Carrot Tops act have never seen one of his shows. I havn't seen one so I don't. However I have friends who are smart and intellegent people who HAVE seen one of his live shows and they LOVED it they claimed it was a great performance and they refuse to even label it as standup. The man makes money for a reason.

JEFF: I also like Nick Swardson
Yes. His appearances on RENO 911! always make me laugh. Always.

TIMMY: I also watched Zach Galifinakis live at the purple onion and that man is one funny bearded man. Hey speaking of Galifinakis...

MODERATOR: I will take that thank you. Who saw the most successful comedy of 2009, The Hangover? Was there any movie that rivaled it. Here's some that came out to refresh your memory:
Paul Blart Mall Cop, New in Town, Pink Panther 2, Fanboys, Madea goes to Jail, Miss March, I love You man, Monsters Vs Aliens, Adventureland, Dance Flick, The Proposal, Year One, Bruno, I love you Beth Cooper, The Ugly Truth, In the Loop, Funny people, Cold Souls, The Goods:Live Hard Sell Hard, I Can Do Bad All By Myself, Cloudly With a Chance of Meatballs, The Informant, I hope They Serve Beer in Hell, Whip It, ZombieLand, A Serious Man, Couples Retreat, Gentleman Broncos, The Men Who Stare at Goats, and Old Dogs,

TIMMY: You forgot 2012 That movie looks HILARIOUS!

MODERATOR: I knew I should have asked Paul to do this instead of you.

JEFF: Wow, Moderator. That is quite the list.
Would I immediately lose all credibility by saying that my wife and I
actually rather enjoyed the outright silliness that were THE PINK
PANTHER 1 and 2? I would? Okay, let me rethink my first comment
then.
For the most part, I wait until a movie is out on DVD before I can
watch it. That makes my knowledge of newer stuff have some fairly
glaring holes (i.e. COUPLES RETREAT, ZOMBIELAND, etc.). However, I do
work in a library, where DVDs are free if you can wait a while for
them, so I do have thoughts on several other comedies.

YEAR ONE - Much, much worse than expected. I was surprised at how
little I enjoyed Jack Black and Michael Cera together. Individually,
I've liked them in other movies, but together they just had no
chemistry. That really surprised me.

THE PROPOSAL - Even more surprising than the fact I didn't like YEAR
ONE was the fact that I really liked THE PROPOSAL. I think I even
enjoyed this movie more than my wife did. Reynolds and Bullock worked
well together and while the storyline wasn't compelling, it was all
good-natured enough for a fun, breezy evening of television. Also,
Betty White is awesome.

I LOVE YOU, MAN - Fairly standard plot progression (a stupid
misunderstand leads to relationship tension!) spiced up with some
randy discussion amongst dudes. Still, the casting and acting was a
lot of fun in this, which saved the movie in spite of the plot.
Enjoyable but fairly forgettable.

Television comedies simply appeal to me more than movie comedies that
are based on character. Sure, a tight movie comedy can make a great
90 minute story, but giving characters more room to breathe in the
space of a season or two is something that I prefer. At least, that's
been the case with most modern comedies that I've seen. If we're
talking straight-up slapstick movie comedy, like PINK PANTHER, then
I'm usually happy with it in movie form.

JIMSKI: For a variety of reasons, I was not able to get to the theater much this year until I moved a couple of months ago. I did see both Year One and I Love You, Man, though, and my reactions were exactly opposed to yours. Year One made me laugh more than it didn't, but I Love You, Man had to be evicted from the house at about the fifty minute mark. I hit a wall with it: "No two people in this movie would believably behave this way or say any of these things on the planet I inhabit." It was like Paul Rudd accidentally got Kate Hudson's part in a rom-com that my wife would call "cute."

ALI: Two of my favorite comedies this year were The Hangover and Zombieland. The Hangover had me doubled-over laughing at times. It was Wedding Crashers without any rom-com getting in the way :)
Zombieland was also great. Woody Harrelson was fantastic and the infamous cameo really lived up to the hype. But it's still no Shaun of the Dead :)

DAVE: I despised The Hangover. I don't think I laughed the entire movie. The plotting was atrocious, none of the characters were particularly memorable, and *NOT SAFE FOR WORK Spoiler, the explicit still shot of the old woman giving oral sex to Alan Gartner (Zach Galifianakis) is something I will never forget or forgive. The movie seemed grounded in the Shock and Awe school of comedy which is almost always repulsive to me. This is the same reason I dislike Family Guy

I Love You Man was awesome. Any excuse to see Paul Rudd improvise is aces by me.

Jeff is correct in his assessment of The Proposal. Betty White can inhabit as much celluiod as she pleases. She already owns some real estate in my Comedic soul.

As for Pink Pather 1 &2, It is interesting for me to watch Steve Martin Devolve comically inept characters. There is at least a wispy strand of continuity between his glorious variety show stand up glorifying the inept comic and his interpretation of Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Whenever I get over saturated with contemporary comedies, I go back and read Theophrastus's Characters and Aristophanes: The Clouds. Man, those Greeks knew something about comedy.

JEFF:I just watch an old Charlie Chaplin film. But I suppose that's a
bit out of the purview of this discussion.

You know, after all this time since ZOMBIELAND came out, I'm surprised
that I still don't know who the cameo is. Man? Woman? I dunno. I
just know that when that DVD comes out, I still want to be surprised.

It was like Paul Rudd accidentally got Kate Hudson's part in a rom-com
that my wife would call "cute."
This film was set in a universe where men showing affection has to
have a new made-up word attached to it. Like a 'bromance' where a
pair of dudes go on a 'mandate.' That does tend to drive me nuts, as
this movie's universe seems to closely parallel our own. You don't
need to change a word to reflect gender! However, I feel this movie
was making fun of that new trend, so it didn't get under my skin.
True, Paul Rudd was playing the character who was more unsure of his
status and role in a relationship, thereby making him have the
traditionally 'feminine' role, but it didn't bug me.

TIMMY: I am going to side with Jimski on the "I really don't understand why everyone finds this movie funny' when it comes to I Love You Man. Also comedians I love were awful in it. Jo Lo Truglio, Thomas Lennon even Rudd all played characters that were far more annoying then funny.
I loved the Hangover though and from what it sounds like I loved everything Dave hated about it . Those three leads played those characters perfectly. Apparently there is sequel talk although I don't know how you can sequelize that film. Just have the same characters in another situation I guess
What did everyone think of Funny People? I really disliked the part about the comics and ended up enjoying the weird affair storyline more. It could have been two films and the last scene with Adam Sandler kind of ruins the rest of the movie for me.
Drag Me to Hell had me laughing a lot this year too. Extract and the Informant are both worth seeing if you haven't had the chance yet.

JEFF: Drag Me to Hell had me laughing a lot this year too. And extract and
the informant are both worth seeing if you haven't had the chance yet.
Yes. DRAG ME was good ol' Raimi fun. However, The Informant was just
okay. I had previously heard the story told on THIS AMERICAN LIFE, so
the plot didn't surprise me. Without knowing the story ahead of time,
it was harder to follow what was happening at times, as the truth kept
shifting beneath the audience's feet. At least, that's how my wife
seemed to feel. Upon leaving the theater, we agreed that it should
have been a rental.

MODERATOR: let's wrap up the film talk and move on to the last subject.

EVERYONE: Awww.

MODERATOR: Let's chat about the 'other' catagory which can include books, podcast ,comics, websites or that funny neighbor who always shows up uninvited.

JEFF: My favorite comedy podcast right now is The Ink Panthers, hosted by
Mike Dawson and Alex Robinson.
http://www.mikedawsoncomics.com/category/ink-panthers-show/ For
mostly being two guys who spend a lot of their free time at a drawing
board, not talking to anyone, they're engaging and entertaining to
listen to. It quite surprised me. Whenever I listen to them at work
during some of my less than stimulating back room duties, I'll grin
stupidly, enjoying the conversation. Luckily, I sit in an unobtrusive
corner so people don't usually think I'm smiling at the donated books
I'm working on.

The last good comedic book that I've read would have to be I AM A
GENIUS OF UNSPEAKABLE EVIL AND I WANT TO BE YOUR CLASS PRESIDENT.
But, I've already gone into that discussion elsewhere.

Is it awkward to say that Jim's articles on iFanboy every Monday
usually make me smile? Now that I've said that, no one can argue with
me because they're either Jim himself (and that would be weird) or
they don't want to be rude because I'm pretty sure he's going to read
this.

TIMMY: If I disliked Jim's articles I would totally say something but luckily I think they are great so I won't.
There are several funny little podcasts that I enjoy right now. You Look Nice Today is very funny and The Sound of Young America always has comedians on there, so it's both funny and interesting.
I also have just started listening to Wiretap which is a Canadian radio show lately.

As far as books go Jonathan Ames is funny in this weird, sad, depressing way. Like an Andy Kaufman had sex with David Sedaris and had a literary baby. His latest book The Double Life is Twice as Good is interesting.

If you are in NYC you should check out the ASSCAT show on Sunday nights at the Upright Citizen Brigade Theatre, it's great and if you go to the later show it is free!
I am also starting a weekly humor column here on murmur.

MODERATOR: Hey! No blatant plugs.

TIMMY: Jeff got to do one!

MODERATOR: I like Jeff though. This is getting rather long so if you haven't posted something in the other catagory feel free to do so. Also enclose your closing remarks on the current state of comedy.

JIMSKI: Now that you've asked, it occurs to me that comedy is the only reason I turn on my iPod, almost the only reason I turn on my TV... and yet almost never the reason I'm at the multiplex. I wonder what that means.
Comedy is also the way I get about 60% of my news, but I already know what that means. Yeah, CNN, I'm looking at you.

TIMMY: Has anyone found any comics they find funny. I miss the humor comics like Plastic Man or Howard the Duck. I think the last one we had was She-Hulk. A lot of What Remender is doing at Marvel is humorous. In fact Fraction was calling him the bastard son of Steve Gerber. Jimski I know you're a Gerber fan so what did you think of that?

JIMSKI: I can certainly see it in terms of a willingness to Go There and do something completely off the wall; you would not confuse an issue of Howard the Duck or Defenders with Spider-Man. I think Gerber was using his stories to more aggressively make social commentaries, whereas Remender reminds me more of a 21st century exploitation film.

I don't think I read any comic which solely intends to make me laugh right now, although Spidey and Marvel's Hercules have a comedic element to them. I do, however, love The Comics Curmudgeon which takes three or four of the most noteworthy strips from that day's "funny pages" and eviscerates them. And of course, by "love," I mean "seethe with red-faced, naked jealousy that that low-hanging fruit was not my idea first."

JEFF: The closest I've gotten to comedy comics recently have been comics
aimed at children. Between TINY TITANS, MINI MARVELS, and Chris
Eliopoulos' FRANKLIN RICHARDS stuff, I'm set when it comes to comics
humor. In fact, if this comic ever actually happens, I'd be the first in line for both the
individual issues and the deluxe hardcover which would surely follow.
I mean, lookit how cute they all are!

Also enclose your closing remarks on the current state of comedy.
I think we're at a pretty good spot when it comes to comedy. My
favorite kind of comedy, the one camera/no laugh track variety, is
still going fairly strong and that makes me happy. Comedy as
subversive as The Daily Show and as tame as America's Funniest Home Videos is still being produced. There's a wide range of stuff available and
I think most people have found the niche that they like the best. If
you don't like Patton Oswalt, maybe you like Dane Cook. If you don't
like the Upright Citizens Brigade, maybe there's a local college
improve group you do like. And, if you don't like the humor of the
Judd Apatow gang, maybe you like the humor of LAND OF THE LOST.

Ah, who am I kidding? No one liked LAND OF THE LOST.

ALI: Paul mention Hark! A Vagrant on iFanboy last week. I fell quickly in love with that strip. In case you didn't check it out, its a web comic by Kate Beaton. The humor is super geeky, but very wacky and funny. There was a strip about the Pope that had me rolling, as well as some pretty hilarious Victorians. Plus, who doesn't love grouchy Wonder Woman?

TIMMY: There is so much out there right now. Everyone can find their own thing. I think that's great.

DAVE: Comedy has unquestionable merit as vehicle for reflection. Well done comedy whether in the form of Tina Fey's 30 Rock, Stephen Colbert's bitingly satirical White House Correspondent's Dinner, Lewis CK's piercing rants about modern comforts, or the pinnacle of parody that is Morrissey's Mozburger from the fine folks from the fine folks at Funny Or Die, comedy forces us to reexamine things large and small.

The disarmed mind is always the most receptive.

MODERATOR: I think that about wraps up our first Chatterboxing event! I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we did!

The Timmy Wood Thursday 11/26/09

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:49:50 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Timmy Wood discusses the best way to secure the best leftovers.

Welcome to The Timmy Wood Thursday. Just something to hold you off until the weekend. Today:

LEFTOVERS!

This year Thanksgiving is interesting for me. It is full of a lot of "firsts" I am from Texas and this is my first Thanksgiving in New York. It's my first time preparing thanksgiving by myself which is both scary and exciting. It is also my first time Thanksgiving away from my family which is very important because it means one thing. My Uncle Mike is going to win.
You are probably thinking win what? Some sort of football bet? A pumpkin pie eating challenge? A rousing game of Battleship? No. None of those things. It's about leftovers. I have been in competition with my Uncle for the Thanksgiving leftovers since the day I was born. Every year it was the same. Sitting. Eating our pie quietly. While the leftovers sit on the counter in the kitchen. Each plotting the best way to get to the kitchen and pack our Tupperware with the best mean and sides available. You start creating scenarios in your head.
"Let's see. If I swing around the left side of the table then I can grab the Tupperware in one full swoop. Uncle Mike has the advantage being the closest to the kitchen. I am going to have to sacrifice the stuffing just so I can get some dark meat. Then I will move on to the mashed potatoes and the gravy.
Those are the most important. Dark Meat, Mashed potatoes and gravy. If I can get those.."
"So Timmy seen any good movies lately?"

It's my Uncles voice. He must have seen me doodling my battle plan on the napkin and is trying to throw me off. I see. We are going to enter a conversation but I know what really is being said:
ME: I'm sorry
UNCLE: Seen any good movies lately?
Subtext: You see all that delicious dark meat in the kitchen?

ME: Yeah, I've seen some good stuff. Did you see Star Trek?
you're going to have to use that vulcan death grip to stop me from getting that dark meat.

UNCLE: Yeah I saw it, loved the time travel stuff. Imagine going back in time and changing things so they changed the future.
I won't need a vulcan death grip. I can use time travel and stop you from being born. Ha!

ME: Yeah, it's nice to have an old somewhat dated franchise be rejuvenated by a young, more agile and creative people.
You're an old man. OLD MAN!

UNCLE: I still like the old series.
Almost as much as I love dark meat.

We then commence in out stare down, each trying to intimidate the other into backing off. Also waiting for the bell to ring.

The "bell" is my grandmother announcing that it's time to clean up. That's the ding and now they're off. Uncle Mike swerves around in his chair and in one large step he is in the kitchen., I have to swing around the table which I do not only with ease but also clearing my five year old cousin. Just like my Uncle to send his son to be an obstacle to me. I grab my Tupperware and make my way into the kitchen. Not only has he already gotten most of the mashed potatoes but hes heading to the dark meat and PILING IT ON THE PLATE! He has almost cleared the only thing of it until I stab my fork down into the remaining piece of what looks like a thigh. Not today Uncle Mike. Not today.

That was last year. This year he is going to get all the leftovers and I will have my own. I am going to miss our rivalry Uncle Mike. You were truly a worthy opponent.

"Step Into The Room" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:01:05 GMT

by: TimmyWood
I find out what all the fuss is about with this film The Room.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday, something to hold you off until the weekend.

This week I go into The Room and I never want to leave.

You might have heard of the film the Room. It popped up on my radar and then I could not get it to go away. There was a reference to it on Veronica Mars and I found out that the chicken dance on Arrested Development was inspired by it. It wasn't until they discussed it on the Crankcast that I decided to check the film out.

Lot's of movies have had the title "worst movie in the world" Plan 9 from Outer Space, Troll 2 and AirBud all have had this title handed to them. Also I am sure you have had friends recommend a film with the 'Oh it's so bad it's good" claim. Usually these films will have something to laugh at but 90%. of them are unbearable and boring. So when I started hearing both these claims about The Room I had my doubts. Still it's been playing at midnight showings since 2003 so I thought that there has to be something there. Right?

I called up my favorite person to go to the movies with, Dankeshu, and asked if she wanted to see a midnight movie. She was down and I called the theatre to confirm their midnight showing and to see if I could pick up tickets on my way home from work. They were already halfway sold out! At six oclock for a midnight showing half the tickets were already gone. I haven't seen that happen since a Star Wars film. As I picked up the tickets I asked the box office employee if there was anything I should bring to the showing.
"Spoons." Is what he replied
"Spoons, that's all? Nothing else?"
"Just bring some plastic spoons."
We got out tickets and I headed home. While I was there I found a few plastic spoons and shoved them in my coat pocket almost forgetting about them.

CUT TO: TEN MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT
Dankeshu and I show up the theatre. It is packed. Everyone in it seems to be some what inebriated. They are all yelling things to one another in some sort of off accent. The energy is tangible and fantastic. Everyone has spoons they are playing with, hanging them on their noses, and drumming them on the back of the chair in front of them. It is pretty remarkable.
The movie begans and everytime a credit pops up on the screen the crowd goes wild. Espcially when Tommy Wiseau, the director, producer, writer and star's name comes on. I thought to myself "what is so special about this movie and why should I care?"

Then the movie started and I understood.

I don't think you can describe The Room. It is something you have to experience. I am going to attempt to somehow to that though for you guys. On paper the plot of the film is pretty standard. A man's fiancee starts cheating on him with his best friend. Although the way that is portrayed is bizarre. There are sex scenes, a drug dealer shakes things up, lots of playing football awkwardly and spoons. Lot's of spoons. It is a spectacle.

The star of the movie is Tommy Wiseau. He has an indistinguisable Eastern European accent that makes his line reading something you have to see. Everytime he is on the screen you can't help but laugh. Also the directing isn't bad. It's bizarre. There are weird cutaways and scenes that will leave you laughing until you cry. The best part of the movie is the audience. The majority of them have seen it mutiple times and know all the beats. The jokes they yell out help point out even more things that are off with the film (i.e. the audience yells at one of the characters to look at them seconds before the actor looks straight at the camera.) They also throw spoons. Lot's and lot's of spoons. I didn't bring enough! Luckily a gentleman sitting next to me let me borrow some of his. Seeing the projector shine off these plastic spoons as they are being hurled at the screen is a spectacle in itself. The spoons get thrown often and if you see the film you will realize when it's appropriate. This movie was the most fun I have had in a theatre. Ever. I don't make statements that often but this one desereves it.

After the movie I found myself consumed by the movie. Dankeshu kept quoting lines back and forth with me and I couldn't stop reading about Tommy Wiseau on the internet. What was he thinking with this film? It really cost six million to make? Where did he get the money? What is he doing now?

The room is great and I encourage everyone to go see it. Blindly. Don't watch the trailer or clips on Youtube. Don't rent the dvd on netflix. Get a large group of friends together and so see it. It's not playing in every city but if it is in yours just go. And don't forget The Spoons.

This is the second time Timmy has written this article due to a certain coffee house on Irving that advertises WiFi. You can find him on Twitter or you can email him if you like.
YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LISA!!!

Men Make Terrible Singers: A Timmy Wood Thursday.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:14:02 GMT

by: TimmyWood
A glimpse at an embarrassing Christmas moment.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday, something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today: A glimpse at an embarrassing Christmas Memory because we all have them.

I had the wonderful privilege of attending a small private school. It was run by a church that disagreed with sex ed and evolution so they started their own school. I went there from kindergarten until sophomore year in which I transferred to another small church school.
Now I could go all day on why schools like this are not the best place to send your children but that's not what this column is about. Instead it is about Christmas and the gathering of your classmates to perform a little show for all you parents. Did you ever have to do this? Well I did. Many times.
Let's set the stage shall we. It's December and I am in the third grade and it's about one in the afternoon. I pull out my science book as that was what we usually did at that time only to have Mrs. Polard tell us to stop.
"Class, please direct your attention to Mrs. Hamby."
A woman had stepped in front of the class and smiled. She then went on to tell us that entire school would be singing for our parents. We would all pile onto the bleachers and each class would sing different hymns and carols relating to Christmas. The fact that the entire grade school could fit on all the bleachers in the gym shows you how small it was. Instead of studying science (because who needs that right?) We were going to be practicing singing. I was a pretty lazy child so this all sounded like tons of fun. No work. Sing instead. Sign me up.
Our class was chosen to sing the fantastic song "What Child is This" not to be confused with the classic Maury Povitch staple "Whose Child is This." This might be one of the longest Christmas songs ever, or at least it felt that way to Mrs. Hamby as she grew frustrated trying to conduct a bunch of unruly third graders how to sing right after they got out of recess.
"There are just too many stanzas in this. There is no way I can teach them all to you. We will have to cut some of them...unless someone would like to sing solo."

Let's backup a bit here. This is the part of the story in wich people in the soap opera industry call "all soap opera-y" I failed to mention that the girl I had been in love was also in this class. Her name was Alana and she had the longest hair I had ever seen. EVER! I had been in love with her from kindergarten until now and had yet to prove myself worthy of her affection. Instead I was constantly competing with someone else in the class. Zach Golden. Rumor had it, and I had several other girls in the class confirm this for me, that she liked him. I had nothing on Zach Golden. He could draw, he was really funny, really good at kick ball in P.E. His name was Zach Golden for crying out loud. That was his real name too. I'm not even making that up! There was one thing I knew he could not do though and that was sing.
I cleared my throat and raised my hand.
"Mrs. Hamby I would love to sing the stanza."
She looked at me for a whole minute. And then said. "Ok."
I was in! Look out Alana!

The stanza wasn't long and it was fairly simple.

so bring him incense gold and myrrh,
come peasant, king to own him.
the king of king salvation brings
let loving hearts enthrone him

Or something or the other like that.
I practiced that damn stanza everywhere. The car, the bathtub, recess, lunch you name it. I was going to blow the roof off of this gymnasium. Mrs. Hamby even gave me some private lessons.
"The most important part of singing is to sing loud."
"I'M LOUD!" I would proclaim
"I know" She sighed.

The night came and I donned my red turtle neck and combed my hair. Tonight was the night. I knew exactly what was going to happen. The concert would be rather boring as they usually tend to be. Parents would be yawning and shifting in thier seats. Looking at their watches wondering when it would be over. Until the last stanza of "What Child is This" A young boy would stand and sing causing a calm to come over the crowd as they sat with their mouths agape at the beauty they had just witnessed. At the end they would stand and cheer and I would be the coolest kid in school. Alana would ask me to be her boyfriend and we would be in love and I am not sure what happens after that but boy it would be something.
Delusional indeed, but at least confident.

I took my seat and the concert began.
"This concert sucks. It's so boring." mumbled the kid next to me.
"You just wait until What Child is This." I said confidently.
The kid looked at me like I was an idiot.
I wasn't nervous at all. I was ready to shine and my moment was about to happen. Right before, I spotted my parents in the audience to make sure they saw what thier brilliant offspring was about to do. What Child is This began and I awaited my stanza. I stood up. I sang, remembering what Mrs. Hamby said about being LOUD and I was.

The stanza is rather short but it felt like time stopped. I surveyed the audience trying to see what their reactions where. Then I came upon my father. He was laughing. He had his hand over his mouth trying to muffle it but it was pretty audible. I was not about to let him ruin this moment for me so I sang louder. The louder I sang the louder he laughed and the louder he laughed the louder I sang. Until I was at least yelling.
LET LOVING HEARTS ENTHRONE HIM!
I sat down. Angry as hell. There was no applause. The kid next to me looked scared and about to cry and most of all Alana didn't ask me to be her boyfriend. I should have learned something that day. You have to do things because you want to do them. Not because you want to impress a girl or be cool. I learned that the hard way and ended up looking like an idiot. Did I really want to sing that solo? No. It would just be another chapter in the "Timmy does something stupid to impress a pretty girl" book. I have many chapters in that book, oh that's a big book.

Years later, I am talking at least a decade, I asked my dad why he laughed. He said
"Because Tim, I am a firm believer that men make terrible singers. It was comforting that my son was proving me right."
Good old Dad. Always full of so much wisdom.

Timmy still sings you can follow him on twitter or email him if you would like to book him to sing at an enagagement of some sort.

"Uncle Billy NOOO!" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:22:19 GMT

by: TimmyWood
It doesn't matter how many times you've seen it. You cannot help but get furious.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Just something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:
UNCLE BILLY NOOOOOOOO!

It doesn't matter how many times I watch it. It doesn't matter that I have the entire film memorized and I know it's going to happen. I always become infuriated at a certain scene in the great holiday classic It's a Wonderful Life. Do you know what scene I'm referring too? I am sure you can guess. It's the scene in which the character of Uncle Billy, played by Thomas Mitchell, is so excited about Harry Bailey receiving a medal of honor that he some how wraps $8,000 in Mr. Potters newspaper while gloating about it.

                         Dammit Uncle Billy! You're about to ruin everything!

He doesn't make this mistake around Bert, Mr. Gower or that trampy chick that hangs around bedford falls. He accidentally wraps the money in the most evil man in town's newspaper. A paper he probably wasn't going to read anyway but would have just used to beat his valet. I swear everytime this scene happens I almost pull out my hair and yell at the screen. When I was a kid I would secretly hope that somehow this would be an altarnate version of the film and everything would turn out okay for the Building and Loan, which thirty minutes later turns out to be true.

I know that is scene has to happen otherwise there would be no film. I understand that but still it drives me crazy. It's not the only movie to do this either. The other one is in the film White Christmas.
I love love love this film almost as much as I love the early mentioned Capra classic. It's full of fun times, great songs, sexy dancing and sweet little romance underneath it all.

                                                                                                                                                                              "We'll wait for ya, baby"

However, there is the scene where good old Bing Crosby has to make a phone call to that Ed Sullivan wannabe jerk and that busybody of a housekeeper has to eavesdrop on the it. Of course, as I am sure you know, she only hears part of it and spreads the rumor to George Clooney's Aunt who freaks out and causes all sorts of trouble. I bet you felt really foolish when you saw Bing make the pitch on the Ed Sullivan show Emma Allen, OH WAIT YOU DIDN'T! You were too busy making up a facade about broken leg with the better half of Wallace and Davis. Again this scene has to happen for the film, although as much as I love it this one is a bit forced for the plot, still infuriating though.

Why do I only have these reactions with Christmas movies. I can't think of any other films that envoke this rage. Maybe it's because I watch these movies at least once a year. However, I watch Annie Hall, The Muppet Movie, Rushmore and Raiders of the Lost Arc at least once a year (Sometimes more because let's just face it, those films are perfect) and don't have this issue. Maybe it's not just that I have watched them once a year since childhood but that these films were special to watch as a kid. It was an event when you watched the holiday film. I remember being so excited to tell my sister "Guess what..tonight we are watching..(insert holiday film here)!" It was fun. These films are all so magical and as a kid I really wanted them to be real. I think part of that has still stuck with me in adulthood.
Oh and the last film that made me mad was Frosty. Mainly because I thought it was so stupid for him to go into that greenhouse. I never cared for that Frosty.

"Happy Birthday!" Sheesh what a dummy.

So there you have it. A couple of scenes that drive me crazy from films I love. Are there scenes from movies that do that to you too? Let me know!

Timmy Wood never understood why Danny Kaye was so against kissing Vera Ellen. She was hot! Makes one wonder what he was trying to hide. If you know why email him or follow him on the twitter machine.

"List, Lists and more Lists" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 18:19:52 GMT

by: TimmyWood
It's the end of the decade! When things end you are required to make a list of it!"

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Just a little something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:

List, Lists and More Lists.

I know that it is Christmas Eve but I made a promise to you Murmurites to have a column up here every Thursday. So even though it's the holidays I am going to make sure you guys have something to read whenever you get sick of your family today.

It's the end of the decade, although some may argue that next year is the end but that's neither here or there. Everywhere you look you will find lists on the internet. These generally happen at the end of the year, best of, worst of lists. This year its special because we are finding lists from the decade not just the year. I thought I would do a few of my own. I am not going to do best movies or music because you can find that all over the place and they would be far better then mind would be anyway. I am just going to make some decade lists off the top of my head. So here goes.

MY 3 FAVORITE SNACK FOODS OF THIS DECADE
1. Wheat Thins and Hummus
2. Chips and Salsa
3. Bread and Cheese

THE 2 BEST FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS AND WHAT TO ORDER FROM THEM
1. Jack in the Box: Two Tacos with Buttermilk Ranch Dipping Sauce
2. Whataburger: The limited time only Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich

5 SNL CAST MEMBERS THAT WERE TALENTED AND FIRED/LEFT BEFORE THEIR TIME
1. Jerry Minor
2. Jeff Richards
3. Dean Edwards
4. Rob Riggle
5. Micheala Watkins

SNL CAST MEMBER WHO WAS ON THE SHOW LONGER THEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
1. Finesse Mitchell

BEST SNL CAST MEMBER OF THE DECADE
1. CHRIS PARNELL (yes you read that right)

7 FUNNY FILM TITLES TO REFERENCE IN EVERY DAY SPEECH
1. The Legend of Bagger Vance
2. Captian Corelli's Mandolin
3. The Sum of All Fears
4. The Prince and Me
5. Torque
6. Code Name: The Cleaner
7. G- Force

8 FILMS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE!
1. Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman
2. Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion
3. Tyler Perry's Daddy's Little Girls
4. Tyler Perry's Why did I Get Married?
5. Tyler Perry's The Family That Prey's
6. Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns
7. Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail
8. Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself

2 AUTHORS THAT I LOVE TO MAKE FUN OF EVEN THOUGH I HAVE ONLY READ ONE CHAPTER FROM ONE OF THEIR BOOKS
1. Dean Koontz, Velocity: Chapter 1. I read it in a Walmart
2. Dan Brown, Angels and Demoms: Chapter 1. I read it in a Walmart

2 HEAD SCRATCHERS
1. NBC giving us The Jay Leno Show
2. Lice

4 GREAT ONE HIT WONDERS
1. Wheatus "Teenage Dirtbag"
2. Eiffel 65 "Blue"
3. Nick Cannon 'Gigolo"
4. Murphy Lee "What Da hook Gon Be"

3 OF MY FAVORITE SKETCHS THAT I WROTE AND THEN NEVER PRODUCED
1. Ghandalff's Hit Trivia Game Show "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
2. Normal Face! Dick Tracy's Least Popular Villian
3. Truman Capote: Action Cop!

LEAST FAVORITE SKETCH I WROTE AND DID PRODUCE
1. Jeff Foxworthy Goes on the Hit MTV Show "YO MOMMA" (It was as bad as it sounds)

THE MOST ENTERTAINING SUPERBOWL FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND OR ENJOY FOOTBALL
1. Super Bowl XXXVIII

THE BEST BASEBALL PLAYERS OF THE DECADE
1. Craig Biggio for the Houston Astros
2. Jeff Bagwell for the Houston Astros
3. Lance Berkman for the Houston Astros

2 BEST RADIO SHOWS
1. Coast to Coast AM with George Noory
2. Little Steven's Underground Garage

FUNNY PEOPLE ON TWITTER
1. The_Jimski
2. Stan Lee
3. Rob Hueble
4. Shit My Dad Says
5. Lonely Sandwhich

SOCIAL NETWORK
1. Twitter.

There you go guys. That's my Decade lists all off the top of my head with no research or anything. Happy Holidays everyone!

Timmy Wood is a comedian who lives in New York City. You can follow him on twitter or email if you disagree with all the bias in this column.

"Grownup Storytimes!" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 18:07:48 GMT

by: TimmyWood
I miss reading stories in front of slightly intoxicated people on a stage at a bar.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Just a little something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today
Grownup Story Time!

When I was in Houston I was heavily involved with a brand new Theatre organization that went by the name of Bootown Theatre. Our goals and ideas were to start doing theatre that was more accessible to the citizens in Houston. Cheap shows that would never cost more then $5 dollars a ticket but would still be highly entertaining. We would do shows in bars, parking lots, peoples backyards and warehouses. Over the few years we quickly gained a following and now produce the successful Houston Fringe Festival for theatre. Which will be going on it's third year in May. It is a great company and the one thing I miss the most about Houston.

One of the first things we did was a regular monthly show called Grownup Story Time. Grownup Story Time, or GUST as we called it sometimes, was a simple show. We would ask people to submit stories, preferably short, of any kind. We would then find an actor or comedian and give them the story. The actor could do whatever he or she wanted in performing it. They could add to it, change somethings, bring in props, whatever the wanted. Them on a Tuesday night at ten o'clock we would do all the stories in front of an audience at a bar called Rudyards. Rudyards was a bar that usually hosted rock bands and other musicians. They had a stage and sound equipment so we were able to make it work for us. Rudyards was a great bar. (I hosted my live talk show there even but that's a story for another day.)
Sometimes we would have themes ("the first time" "stories from the future" "Back to School Edition") and we would have someone host the show as well. Sometimes we would get stories in weird ways, we would hit bars and find people to quickly scribble a story down in a notebook. If it was readable we would use it. One time we had first graders submit stories. It was fun.
GUST has gained popularity entering it's third year in Houston, the audience grows every month. They recently posted many of their videos of it on Youtube so I thought I would share those with you as well.

Some of these contain foul language so I wouldn't blast them at work.

This is one of my favorites. It's Guy Schaffs reading "How to be a Werewolf"

My good friend and fellow comedian Matt Lusk reading "Letter From Camp"

Sarah Haughpeykar reading "Call My Dad Martin"

Sometimes we would change the stories up...A LOT. Here's me reading a story called 'It's a Pony!"

And then sometimes things happen that you would never plan for, I wrote this story "To all the Girls I Loved Before" and handed it over to my good friend and amazing improviser Kelly Harkins, He then turned it into something amazing.
Part 1:

Part 2:

Every now and then there would be a no show or something. That's what happened with "Cat Chat" The story was handed to Paul Salazar and I minutes before we went on stage. Having both had a few beers we just quickly talked about what we were going to do. We then went onstage and just mainly improvised the whole thing. It was a blast though.

Juvenile but probably one of my favorite performances I ever did in Houston. If you want to submit a story to Bootowns Grown Up Story Time series email them at Bootown@gmail.com

Timmy Wood is representing Bootown now in New York City, you can email him at thetimmywoodshow@gmail.com or follow him on twitter.

"Hi Res-Olution" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 22:38:59 GMT

by: TimmyWood
These aren't just resolutions. They're goals.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:
Hi Res-Olution!

I was struggling with an idea for a column this week. I had a few half ones but nothing that I could make into a full article really. Then as I was listening to the Murmur podcast I got one. Everyone was talking about resolutions. So I thought I would go ahead and share a few of the ones I have made. That way I can be held accountable.

Gain some muscle
Eat a leprechaun
Kiss Anne Hathaway ON THE MOUTH!
fight all the remaining cast members of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
finally get around to watching the Steve Guttenberg classic Zeus and Roxanne
Replace all Milk with Orange Juice. Cereal is going to be delicious
Rock out with the band Collective Soul
Create a social network for newborns.
Pick a name for social network (Babyface, infantbook, twoddler)
Create a line of video games based on literary classics. Old Man and the Sea Wii is going to be so fun! And don't even get me started on Catcher in the Rye DS.
Learn to fly! (kites)
Kiss Rosario Dawson ON THE MOUTH!
Through out the milk in the fridge (It expires tomorrow.)
Find out who really put the Bomp in the Bomp, bomp bomp; Why fools fall in love; and Who can it be NOW?
Go into retirement for about week, then come out of retirement. Some may call that a vacation but whatever.
Embrace my inner nudist (I technically already did this one since I am typing this naked)
Record that Glam Rock Album I have been meaning to do entitled Man in the Iron Mascara.
Totally let all my friends know how much I appreciate them ON THE MOUTH!

And my number one goal this year is:
GO ON JEOPARDY.
I am totally serious on this one. I watch Jeopardy almost every night and I think I have gotten pretty decent at it. I am not saying I am the smartest guy in the world but I have a knack for remembering pieces of information. I also have kind of figured out how jeopardy works in reading the "clues" in the answers they give you. For instance "This foul villain fights batman with a umbrella" since the used the word "foul" it clues you in that it must be "Who is the Penguin" Granted it's not going to be that easy, so I need to study some topics I am not as strong in. If there is any progress then I will let you know but that's my big goal this year. Since I am now announcing it to the world that means I got to stick with it. Just like when I announced a weekly humor column.
Wish me luck!

If you would like to email me suggestions of books to read that would be useful for Jeopardy (for instance World History I am somewhat weak in) then he would appreciate. Or follow him on Twitter.

Funny Books A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:00:10 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Here are some books on comedy that I think are amazing.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:
Funny Books

I know that I normally treat this as a humor column but today I am going to recommend some books on humor. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Truth in Comedy: The Manuel of Improvisation by Del Close, Charna Halpern and Kim "Howard" Johnson

This is an excellent book on improv and one that many teachers and school use to teach from. It's also small and an easy read. Perfect for someone who is thinking about improv and if they want to get involved in. Improvisation comedy is not always about who can get up onstage and tell the funniest joke. Close and Halpern really push the Truth in comedy. Finding the truth in the scene which causes the adience to relate and have empathy with. Then that causes them to laugh. Great Book by someone considered the Godfather of Improv comedy

2. Second City Unscripted: Revolution and Revelation at the World Famous Comedy Theatre by Mike Thomas
After reading about Del Close's methods you can read about the man himself in here and what a crazy he was. This book is pretty good. It's written as a oral biography of the theatre and interviews all sorts of comedians who have come out of there. However it doesn't have access to a few of them that would make the book a lot more enjoyable (Mike Myers being one. I guess the Love Guru was keeping him busy) This book is mainly for those who are really curiouse about how the theatre started and functioned. Also SCTV fans might enjoy it as well.

3. The Second City Almanac of Improvisation by Anne Libera

This is a book full of several excercises and techniques that Second City uses to create thier shows. If you are a drama or improv teacher or if you work at a theatre then check this out. I love love love this one.

4. The Late Shift: Letterman, Leno and the Network battle for the Night. by Bill Carter

This book is fascinating. Tells the story of the battle for the Tonight Show, the first battle. With all the events going on right now it makes me want to go and read this book and see how nobody learned from thier mistakes the first time around. Another thing I love about this book is that it doesn't try to paint anyone in a bad light. It allows you to make judgments on your own. The person it's harshest on is Lenos Manager until you get to a chapter about her life story. Great book. I would love for Bill Carter to write a followup.

5. And Here's the Kicker: Conversations with 21 Top Humor Writers on Thier Craft by Mike Sacks

Finally. There are always books on standup comedians and sketch comedy troupes but how has it been so long without a book about comedy writers. The people behind the scenes writing the jokes and handing it to the comedian to read. I can't tell you how happy I was to get ahold of this book a couple of months ago. He interviews several people that I idolize and have been curious about for years. Everyone from Merril Markoe (former Writer and Girlfriend from Letterman) Robert Smigel (SNL, Conan Obrien, and I think the best Sketch writer of the last generation) Irving Brecher (He wrote for the Marx Brothers) and Dick Cavett, someone who I think the is best talk show host of all time. It's great. Go buy it now.

6. I'm Dying Up Here: Heartache and High Times in Stand Up Comedy's Golden Era by William Knoedelseder

Ever wonder what it was like when young Jay Leno, David Letterman, Freddie Prince, Jimmy Walker, Tim Reid, Tom Dreesen, Gallagher, Richard Lewis, Andy Kaufman, Robin Williams, and Elanye Boosler were like when they were all friends and working at the Comedy Store in LA. which was owned by Mitzi Shore (Pauly Shore's Mom). The title of the book is correct as it was full of High times and Heartache. Read about several great comedians on the brink of fame.

7. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

More on Stand Up. I am actually sure that several of you have read this already but if you haven't please do. One the smartest memoirs I have read in a while. The road that Martin took to become Americas first Comedian Rock Star, from working at amusement parks to selling out stadiums. The man is a genius. Read if you haven't yet.

8. The Chris Farly Show a Biography in Three Acts by Tom Farly and Tanner Colby

Probably the best book not about comedy but about love and addiction. Hearing people talk about how they could have helped Farly and only enabled him is incredibly sad. The story of Chris Farly is told thorougly in three books on this list but this one does it really well.

9. Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as told by its Stars, Writers and Guests by Tom Schales and James A Miller

This is probably my favorite book of all time. I catch myself just picking it up to flip through it and next thing I know I am reading the whole thing again. I know that it's about a comedy show but this is a great book about television. If you want to be involved in TV in any sort of way I highly recommend it. Also the range of people who are interviewed is outstanding. Schales and Miller get comments from everyone (with the exception of Eddie Murphy but that's not suprising) You get to hear both sides of a lot of the stories. Want to know what both Norm Macdonald and Don Ohlemeyher think about Macdonald getting fired, well you can read both sides here. A great book. I love it. Can't recommend it enought.

There you have it. Nine great books about comedy.

You can find Timmy Wood on Twitter or you can email him jokes here.

I am not a Bad Older Brother! A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 17:47:07 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Timmy gives a plea on why he wasn't a bad older brother growing up.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today
"I am not a Bad Older Brother"

I have a younger sister. My whole life my entire family has always wrongfully accused me as being mean to her. A mean older brother if you will. They bring up two scenarios on a regular basis.
The first scenario
My mother was taking us to work at her office. It was a Saturday and we she was just going to have a us run around the office while she tried to get some work done. She was not paying attention as she backed out of the garage. If she had she would have noticed that my sister had left the back seat car door open. It hit the garage and screwed up the door. My mom was pissed she had screwed up her car through her own fault of not paying attention, my sister was like five, and she wasn't able to go the office to get the work she needed done. My sister and I wisely decided to avoid Mom the rest of the day.
I have some chewing gum and my sister decides that she wants some. I thought she would find it funny if I took my gum and placed it on her forehead. I WAS TRYING TO MAKE HER LAUGH! The gum got stuck in her bangs and because I didn't want her to get in trouble for sticking gum in her hair, I offered my cheap services of cutting it for her. So snip snap I cut off her bangs as long as she promised not to tell Mom who was in a bad mood, the car thing remember. Of course she told and I got in trouble. Who is the mean person here? I was trying to help her out and she rats on me.
The Second Scenario
My sister and I were playing in my parents bathroom. See playing. I was playing with my little sister. See how nice of an older brother I am. This was maybe a year later. My mom had carelessly left her curling iron plugged into a socket. I had never noticed one of these things before and I felt the heat generating off of it. I lightly touched it. Man it was hot. I was fascinated by this contraption. What was it? Why did my mother have a fire rod in her bathroom? Was it for fighting crime or bad guys. I am so mystified by it that I have to share it with some one. My sister.
"Rebekah, come hither. You have got to feel this fire rod"
Of course she denied me not knowing the greatest I held in my hand. No seriously you have to feel it. Just touch it. Again she said no. Well I was not going to allow my sister to miss out on such an opportunity. She will thank me for this. I grabbed her fore arm and held it down, "No you gotta feel this" I then applied the Fire Rod to her skin.
"See how hot that is!"
She screamed quite loudly. I got in a lot of trouble for that one. A lot. I didn't know it would hurt her. Honest
So I have presented my case. I hope you see that I am NOT a mean older brother. I was set up. I was framed. Its all my moms fault. She was the mean one.

This piece was originally written for Bootown Theatres Grownup Story Time Series. While exaggerated, these stories are true. You can harrass Timmy Wood about it through email or twitter.

It Snowed So Hard! A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:10:55 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Timmy gets holed up from the snow! Here is how he deals with it.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something To hold you off until the weekend

Today:
It Was Snowing So Hard!

Yesterday it snowed. It snowed a lot!

It snowed so hard that I barely made it home from work. I almost got buried!

It snowed so hard that I had to quickly run and get supplies in case I got trapped in my apartment. I got can food, milk(whole), frozen waffles, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, powdered doughnuts, condoms and humus! All very important for being trapped inside during snowstorms.

It snowed so hard that I decided to pick up some dvds at the store as well. I had just sent back my discs that I had Netflix (I am so stupid!) The store had the following dvds: Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, EDtv and Sister, Sister: The Entire first season!. I cannot wait to pop these in the dvd player!

It snowed so hard that I thought I might get tired of watching the dvds purchases. Luckily the grocery store had at least seven different novels written by Dean Koontz. I purchased all of them.

It snowed so hard that I had to climb over mountains of snow. I stuck a flag with my face on every single one. Thereby claiming it as my own.

It snowed so hard that I ate all my food very quickly as I was attempting to hibernate. I was still hungry. So I ate my roommates. Well all except the one that stays at his girlfriends house all the time. You got lucky this time Bernardo.

It snowed so hard that I started writing my own Sister, Sister fan fic. In my script it's revealed at the end that both of the girls are really one and the same! They have just created a ruse to fool Jackee and Tim Reid out of all their money. They also are really in thier late thirties. I am going to title it Grifter, Grifter.

It snowed so hard that I am beggining to feel lonely and I am regretting eating all my friends and roommates, sans Bernardo of course. Hey look at that Bernardo just got home.

It snowed so hard that Bernardo and I played super nintendo. We are thiiiiisss close to beating Kirby's Dreamland 3!

It snowed so hard that I ate Bernardo. Sigh.

Oh look it stopped snowing!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything in this story is completely true. Follow Timmy Wood on twitter or email him your disgust!

Ask the Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.! A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:12:10 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Timmy uses that med school degree that he found behind the couch to answer your advice questions.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today

Ask the Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.!

I was cleaning my house the other day and found my college degree that had fallen in behind the couch. It was a degree in giving advice and kicking ass. And I am all out of bubblegum!

So let's get those questions going shall we. Who's first!

Dear Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.
My Boss wants to start following me on twitter and keeps trying to befriend me on facebook. These social networks used to be my outlet for complaining about my job. I don't want to start censoring myself on there. Also whenever I call in sick, which I do a lot, I don't want to have to post fake sick status updates when I am really at the Detroit Tigers game! What do I do? Thanks
Love,
Tigers Fan stuck in a B plot from a Seinfeld Episode.

Listen up buddy. Here is what you do. you obviously haven't given your boss your twitter name yet so you need to hurry up and take my advice before this boss of yours figures it out. You set up a new, fake twitter account that has your name and pic on it. This is the twitter account you give your boss. Then post boring, mundane stuff on there. Like:
"I am eating breakfast cereal right now. Yum"
"I am sitting in my couch petting my cat."
"Oh Big Bang Theory. You are truly worthy of all your praise and adoration."
Don't those sound like the worst tweets ever? Then block your other account. Also, you are a Tigers fan? Can't believe I missed that in the question. I take back all my good advice.

NEXT QUESTION!

Hey Wood Doc.

That's Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.! Get right please.

Sorry. Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.
I got a phone number the other day from a guy. I would love to call him up but I am in the classic dilemma of wondering how long I wait to call him. I know you an expert in the ways of love. Please give me some advice.
Sincerely,
Miss Area Codes

First I need to know some more information. Who is this guy? Where did you meet him? Bar? Gym? Uni-sex bathroom? What does he look like? Tall, Dark and Handsome? Short, Light, and Ugly? What is his prefferred cocktail? His favorite Alicia Silverstone film? Favorite Winter Olympic Sport? Does he have a mullet? When he gave you his number was it just a single digit number or an actual phone number? I only ask because I hand out the number "8" whenever women ask me for my number. They need to be specific on what number they are asking for. (Eight is the number NASCAR colectible plates I own.) Please answer all of these questions and get back to me.

Or you can just call me later today if you want.

NEXT!

Yo, Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.
I work from home and I am having trouble getting work done, while I'm home alone I'm constantly tempted by video games, comics and bourbon. Any advice on how to stay focused on work and save my extracurriculur activities for later?
Thanks,
Slightly Tipsy West Coast Avenger that can beat all of yall at Dr. Mario

Alright Tipsy, You are only going to be distracted by the good stuff. So throw out the Bourbon, Comics and video games and replace it with Smirnoff Ices, the Just Imagine Stan Lee Creating the DC Universe One Shots and the Virtual Boy video game system. All the urges will then dissapear.

NEXT AND LAST QUESTION

Mr. Wood Dr. M.D.
There is this girl I like. We click. She even knitted me this great orange cap. But She has something like four cats...and I am allergic.
Please Help
Bill Pulman's Character from Sleepless in Seattle

Hmmm, this is a tough one. First you don't want to force her hand, you know, make her choose between you or the cats because honestly women will always choose the animal. Trust me I know, damn stupid pet ferret. So here's what you do. You make her think that SHE is the one who is allergic to cats. Sometimes allergies pop up later in life. You just have to find out ways to trick her into sneezing and then blaming it on the cats. Here are a few ways.
1. The pepper. While she is sleeping. Throw a bunch of pepper in her face, if you don't have pepper also other spices like cumin or coriander will do.
2. Some say that if you pluck eyebrows then you can sneeze. Not sure if that works but its worth a shot.
3. Find out what she might really be allergic to (nuts, pollen etc) and sneak a small dosage into her food while you guys watch Top Chef, again blame cats.
4. 17 to 35% of people are 'Sun Sneezers' or have Photic Sneeze Reflex. Get here to stare at the sun and see if she has this reflex. Just lie and say an eclipse is about to happen or something.
5. Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and slide it backwards, if you do that a couple of times you can make yourself sneeze. you will have to perform this on her while kissing, but by god man be subtle about it.

Or of course you could just kidnap the cats...THAT'S IF YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE HER!

That's all my advice for today. Hope you enjoyed it.

Timmy Wood is a REAL doctor. You can email him more advice questions or lust over him on twitter.

"Dad Jokes" A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:37:32 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Timmy explores the world of the "Dad Joke"

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:

Dad Jokes

The topic of the Thursday is something I think a lot of us can relate to. The Dad Joke. Now this is a concept that I am sure everyone is aware of. Still I will provide a definition from TimmyPedia in case you aren't.

Dad Joke
Noun
An attempt at humor that instantly receives a groan, roll of the eyes or a courtesy laugh.

You know those kind of jokes. And everyone knows someone who makes them whether they are a "Dad" or not. It could come from a boss, co-worker or a neighbor. You can tell that the person has told this joke a million times and yet will continue to tell it a million more time. They are dripping with cheese and puns.
Still confused at what I am talking about. Well here are a few of my favorite "Dad Jokes"

Dad walks by two people at a job
DAD: Hey are you guys "hard at work" or "hardly workin"?

The waiter at a restaurant asks Dad if he is done with his plate
DAD: I am done and I hated it soooo much I got rid of the whole thing!
Dad then gestures to an empty plate

Dad comes in from the rain
DAD: It's raining cats and dogs out there. I almost stepped in a POODLE!

Dad is purchasing something at the store and the barcode won't scan
DAD: Well then it must be FREE!

Dad get's opens a fortune cookie
DAD: And my fortune is..23..3...42..56 Wait a minute. Those are the lottery numbers!

Somebody compliments Dad on his new haircut
DAD: I GOT ALL OF THEM CUT!

I could go on but I am sure you get the point.
I often groaned at these jokes as a child but now I kind of enjoy them. They have a sense of familiarity which sometimes is nice. The worst part is as I get older I find myself making similar kinds of jokes. Granted they are not as cheesy but they still cause my girlfriend to roll her eyes and question the decisions she made that caused her to end up with me. I just feel as I age that they will get more cheesy. We can't help it. It will happen to all of us in our old age. So next time somebody makes a Dad joke. Go ahead and give them a laugh and a pat on the back. It could be you someday.

By they way my most recent example of a "dad joke" I made:

My Girlfriend: Hey we should go to Korea Town for dinner.
ME: Uh oh. Is this north or south korea town?

Almost there. Almost there.

Timmy Wood is a comedian who lives in New York City. You can follow him on twitter or check out his new tumblr blog.

Murmur Mixtape #6! Pump Up the Jams!

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:03:07 GMT

by: TimmyWood
It's the March edition of the Murmur Mixtape. And this time around the DJs are giving you something to work out too.

Ladies and Gentleman welcome to the March edition of the Mixtape. This month we are embracing exercise and by doing so the DJ's have chosen the best songs to work out to. So throw on some leg warmers and grab your Walkman and get ready to sweat off those few extra pounds.

First up we have Guest DJ Paul Williams, or PiscesPaul as you may know him by. He is going to give us some music for warm ups and stretching. Take it away Paul!

Cadence to Arms - Dropkick Murphy
If I Can't- 50 Cent
Dropkicked - Rob Kelly feat. Slaine
Sixteen Tons - The Nighthawks
Keep Hope Alive - The Crystal Method
Slip Kid - Anvil and Franky Perez
We Ready - Ya Boy
X Gon' Give It To Ya - DMX
Fire It Up - Black Label Society
Run Rabbit Run - Eminem
Matisyahu - We Will Walk

Thanks Paul. I feel more fit already. Now DJ DaveCarr is gonna give some music so we can work out some cardio. Hit it Dave!

('m Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
Shoot to Thrill - ACDC
I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Gonna Fly Now - Bill Conti
Stayin Alive - Bee Gees
Renegades of Funk - Rage Against the Machine
The Touch - Stan Bush
I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General
Simon Gallaher&Jon English&Toni Lamond
(This is useful thing to listen to during particularly gruesome stretching and Calisthenics .
There is Nothing like a Dame - South Pacific Men's chorus
(Health is the primary reason for exercise, courting is the secondary).

Oh I do agree with that last part. Nothing motivates me to go jogging more then running behind a girl in some short shorts! Now it's my turn to throw on some music. This is the mix to WIN at. That's right. Throw this on the old Zune and you will succeed at whatever you need. Whether that is at the track or the basketball court, the pool or the baseball field, the sandy volleyball pit or that ping pong table, YOU NAME IT. This select group of songs will cause the winner in you to crawl out and crush your opponents. Like really crush them, litterally. Here we go!

You're the Best - Joe "Bean" Esposito
Girls and Boys - Blur
Cum on Feel the Noise - Quiet Riot
April 29, 1992 (Miami) - Sublime
Sabotage - The Beastie Boys
Music for Full Time Hustlas (Sun E. feat Paul Wall vs The Suburbs) - The Hood Internet
Gasolina - Daddy Yankee
Party Up (Up in Here) - DMX
L.A. Woman - The Doors
Fantasy - Mariah Carey

Alright folks there you have it. Post your own mixes on here and let us know what you work out too!

The Supporting Cast. A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:01:34 GMT

by: TimmyWood
A dive into one of the things that makes storytelling great.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today:
The Supporting Cast

I recently just finished watching season one of the Showtime hit show, Dexter. There has been a lot of talk about this show. I have friends that adore it, it has received great press from critics and Micheal C. Hall has won awards for his portrayal of the serial killer serial killer. There being so much discussion and talk drove me to finally check the show out (Thank you very much Netflix Watch Instantly). I watched the show and enjoyed it. It was fun. It wasn't a perfect show but there was something about it that drove me bonkers. The Supporting cast. Dexter might have the worst supporting cast I have seen on a tv show. I would bring this up to others that enjoyed the show and they would kind of shrug and be like "Yeah, they suck but the shows still fun." True but imagine how much better the show could be if the detective who has hunch that somethings wrong with Dexter wasn't so over the top. Or if the actress who plays his sister wasn't so annoying, or if the cuban detective wasn't so steriotypical or if the chief wasn't so....bland. Imagine what a powerhouse show it could be. Is it because Showtime put all their money on Michael C. Hall and had to get lesser talent for the other roles.

That caused me to think about another Showtime show, Californication. I jumped ship on this show mainly because it should have ended after season one (Come on that was a perfect ending for the show) and has now become just a male fantasy. Luckily, the supporting cast on here isn't so bad, Evan Handler and Pamela Adlon are what I like most of the show, but with the exception of them every female is written as this two dimensional character that is on the verge of sleeping with David Duchovny's Hank Moody. Seriously, when a new female character is introduced they should show a clock in the bottom part of the screen counting down until she let's go of her inhibitions and let's the Don Juan Duchovny have his way with her. This isn't the actors fault though, they are being written this way. Who knows maybe in season three this all changes. You can let me know if that's true.

Those are just two examples of supporting characters that are mishandled. It causes me to think about others that I think are handled well.

Six Feet Under, which is one of the best family dramas I have ever seen and doesn't get talked as much about since it ended, had a great supporting cast. I am not even talking about the 'main ensemble' which was fantastic, I am talking about those characters that were just supporting. Michael C. Hall's partner played by Matthew St. Patrick, Rachel Griffiths crazy brother played by Jeremy Sisto and most of all the dead patriach of the show Richard Jenkins. HBO and Alan Ball&Co. really delivered on this one.

On the other side of the spectrum Arrested Development has probably the best supporting cast I have ever seen in a comedy. Every single character in that show works both comedically and serves the story at the same time. On top of that all the actors are gold in those roles. It's so rare, especially in comedy, to see something where every person involved is playing on the same level and that level is really really high. Those characters and that cast are a comedy writers dream. Arrested Development scripts will be passed around in the comedy school of sitcom writing for years and years.

And probably the best show with the best supporting cast Mad Men. Yes, we have talked about this show on this site and others quite a bit but it deserves all the praise and as I delve into season three (I was in the middle of moving to New York when it was airing so I missed it then) I have to express how succesful that show is with it's supporting cast. Sure we all love Don Draper's character and what to see what happens to Peggy, but it's the other members of Sterling Cooper office that we all can really relate too. There is so much there material to work on from there from the smug Paul Kinsey, to the confident Ken Cosgrove, or even the incompetent Freddy Rumsen. They are all great and so many stories can be told using them (I am an Cosgrove man myself).

So I am going to jump back into Dexter for season 2. I am hoping that the supporting cast improves and/or get's killed off and replaced. It's very important to me that they be good or might not be able to continue on.

Murmurites, what are some shows that you love with great supporting casts? Movies? Comics? Go ahead and let us know!

Timmy Wood is a comedian who lives in Brooklyn and usually writes something more funny for this column but he had to get this off his chest. You can catch him on twitter machine if you like.

I liked it OK. I really liked it. A Timmy Wood Thursday

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 13:11:37 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Clash of the Titans and opinions and things like that.

Welcome to the Timmy Wood Thursday. Just something to hold you off until the weekend.

Today
I Liked It!

Have you ever been in the following scenario: You go to the local cinema with a group of friends and you all partake in the viewing of a movie. After the movie, as you are leaving the theatre, you go to open your mouth to express how much you enjoyed the film. However before you can get the words out your friends do something like this.

Friend 1: God that movie was awful!
Friend 2: Tell me about it. Man that was cheesy
Friend 1: What a bad bad movie.
Friend 2: What did YOU think of it?

You are left speechless. How do you answer? You know these people can't really decide how you feel about this film but, and this is especially if they are close friends, you feel like maybe you missed something. I usually have the courage to stand up for how I feel but I know several people who just kind of shut down and wait until they get home to post their true feelings on their blogs. Still too much pressure is placed on the opinions of frivolous things in our society. Stand up for what you believe in. Love what you love. I know I am preaching to the choir here at Murmur. Everyone here is great about standing strong in their convictions. I have just been thinking about this quite a bit because I really felt it recently.

The other day the lady and I went to the movies and saw Clash of the Titans. We had a blast. It was fun and ridiculous and cheesy. We both agreed as we were leaving that it was everything we would have wanted from a Clash remake. Monsters, cheese and they got rid of all those boring parts from the original. I then get home and jump on the internet only to find that Clash of the Titans is the most horribly received movie both among critics, friends and enemies. What? Did I completely miss something. I begin to fill with doubt and second guess myself but no it was a fun movie, and goddammit I liked it. I brush off all that negativity and felt instantly better.

I know there have already been some great articles about the internet blues on here but you can really get them. You have to either just stay away completely or just force yourself to not let it affect you. Stay strong in your convictions. I am going to stay strong in mine. No matter how not uncool they may seem to be.

So I liked Clash of the Titans.
I loved The Crazies.
I cannot wait for the MacGruber movie.
There is a lot of Lady Gaga on my ipod.
Toby Keith did write a few good country songs before that uber ridiculous patriotic one.
I read the first trade to Jeph Loeb's Hulk and totally see it's appeal. It was a fun book.
I don't think Everclear is a great band but I enjoy listening to them.
The Marriage Ref is harmless fun and as long as the panel of celebs is good then I will check it out.
Two of my favorite writers are Ernest Hemingway and F, Scott Fitzgerald. I don't care how cliche that sounds.
I drink PBR because it's cheap and I am broke and I don't think it's that bad.
Sometimes you are just in the mood for Chili's. I know there are millions of other better restaraunts.
I will sneak a hot dog from a street meat vendor when my girlfriends not looking.
I love love love the Houston Astros no matter how shitty they may play.

There you have folks. Those are a few of my confessions. So what about you? What do you enjoy that nobody else does. Be honest. This is a safe place. Oh and just like Io said to Perseus on the river Styx, you Negative Nancy's need to "Calm Your Storm."

Timmy Wood is a comedian now residing in New York City. You can find him on the Twitter Twotter under the name TimmyWood.

Con Fever!

Sun, 18 Apr 2010 16:58:31 GMT

by: TimmyWood
Three Murmur writers attend three comic conventions.

Three regular Murmur writers attended some lesser known cons last week. We decided to report back to everyone else on what we found there. First up we have Jeff Reid who attended Gem City Comic Con.

The Gem City Comic Con is a much different beast than MoCCA or Boston Comic Con. It is a small, one-day con that draws dealers and talent from the immediate vicinity of the Dayton area and as far away as parts of Michigan, Indiana, and Kentucky. Even with this radius, the Gem City Con was small enough to be contained completely in one corner of the student union at Wright State University. Dealers, of which there were a few dozen, packed themselves into one large room. The few creators that were there spilled out into a nearby walkway and into a much smaller room. Space was at a premium, but the smell of old comics wafted through the building, spurring collectors towards their goal. Or maybe that was just the body odor of the mass of humanity that had descended. All I know is that smells were the least of my concerns as I wiggled through small spaces to get to the back issue bins that dealers had found creative ways to fit into their too-small floor space. That dealer room was where I spent most of my time, which is how I like it.

This means that I neglected the comic creators at the con. Of all the creators who were there, the only two names I recognized were Don Rosa, of The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck fame, and Jim Valentino, a co-founder of Image. I'm sure that they are both very fine gentlemen, but I didn't spend any time with them. Sure, there was a book in my backpack that I could have had Rosa sign if I got the chance, but his line never seemed to have less than five people in it. As far as I know, I've never read anything by Valentino, so I skipped his table as well. Those backbins were where my heart lay, so that's where I spent my time.

And oh, those backbins were glorious. I've been trying to get complete runs of several comics for a while now. Nothing as grand as trying to track down a complete set of Uncanny X-Men or Fantastic Four. No, I was looking for titles like the '90s Captain Atom run or the post DeMatteis/Giffen issues of Justice League. Don't tell anyone, but I did have my eyes peeled for some Guy Gardner: Warrior issues as well. I'm admittedly not looking for the greatest stuff here, but it's stuff that's never been reprinted in any form or fashion. That means it's bin diving for me.

I left the con with my backpack loaded with old issues and a few trades. My haul was a fine one. So fine in fact that my lower back ached a bit the following day. The only people I spoke with at the con were a few co-workers who had a table promoting the library and a dealer whose shop I'd recently stopped going to in lieu of DCBS. Not gonna lie. That was awkward. It was nice for him to know that I hadn't died and we both got a bit of closure. It was just the kind of con I was hoping it would be.

Thanks Jeff! Next up we have Ali Colluccio who traveled all the way from New York to Boston for the Boston Comic Con. Take it away Ali.

Boston Comic Con: Megabus, Internet Friends, and Mike Norton

I like comic book conventions. A lot. There, I said it.

I think they're a lot of fun and a great way to meet people - not just comic creators. I also like any excuse to travel. Because of scheduling conflicts, I missed the first two "big cons" of the season: Emerald City Comic Con and WonderCon. And in my over-zealousness to start my con season, I jumped on the opportunity to head up to the Boston Comic Con.

As I mentioned, cons are a great way to meet people. So after some back and forth on Twitter, @jchristie (founder/coordinator of the Murmur Book club), @piscespaul (author of Murmur's New Adventures in Hi-Fi column), @danfaust (go bug him to write something for Murmur) and I all agreed to meet up and hang out while we were there. Since Dan and I are both in New York, we ended up taking a cheap bus up to Boston together. The company was called Megabus... many jokes were made.

Comparatively speaking, Boston is a smaller con. The creator list was great (Jim Lee, Mike Mignola, JH Williams III, Skottie Young). But there weren't any panels and none of the major publishers had booths. So you can imagine my surprise when I had to wait in line (outside, in some pretty wicked wind) for 45 minutes to get into the show on Saturday morning.

So after meeting up with Dan and Paul and perusing the floor, I did what I have done at every con I've ever been to: get in line for a sketch from Franco Aureliani (Tiny Titans). Franco is awesome! He does sketches for a dollar on the back of boards... and colors them with crayons. I have Wonder Woman, Black Canary, Catwoman, and The Flash all by Franco. This time around I asked for Stargirl, since she recently appeared in the Blackest Night issue of Tiny Titans. While Dan and I were waiting in line for our Franco sketches, we watched Paul slowly build up the courage to go up to Mike Norton's table and ask for a Green Arrow sketch. Paul really likes Mike Norton. A lot.

Next the three of us went bin diving (I picked up the first volume of Brad Meltzer's run of Justice League), grabbed some food, and sat in a cardboard fort where we proceeded to make a lot of jokes about Megabus and Paul stalking Mike Norton.

Day two of the con was pretty much the same. Josh came down from Portland for the day and met the rest of us at the con. Clad in my Battlepug t-shirt, I went to pick up a gorgeous Black Canary sketch from Mike Norton, who was wearing the same shirt. After more bin diving and joking about Paul's forbidden love of Mike Norton, our foursome decided to call it a day. On the way out I asked the guys if they thought it would be terribly nerdy of me to go get my picture taked with Mike Norton since we both had on the Battlepug shirt.
Now, because I have the luck and social grace of Peter Parker, when I turned around to head back to the con floor I saw Mike Norton heading in our directions (probably to use the bathroom). It is at this point that I shouted "HEY" and the boys behind me burst out in a fit of giggles. And thus track record of embarassing myself in front of comic creators is still in tact.

Afterwards we jumped on the T and went to a place that had 30 beers on top (Josh helped us order). I have to say, this was my favorite part of the trip. Just hanging out with some great people, talking comics and drinking some damn fine beer. All things considered, it was a fantastic weekend.

MEGABUS sounds like an awesome horror film. Next up is Timmy Wood. Wait that's me!

The third convention that was going on last weekend was MoCCA. I had actually forgotten completely about it until late Saturday night when I saw people twittering about it. I made plans to go that Sunday. It was a pretty small convention and since I attended on Sunday I missed a lot of the cool panels that had happened the day before. Our sister site, Ifanboy, posted the transcript of a great one. Check it out. I mainly wandered around the con floor looking at all the self published books. Since I am planning on self publishing a comic in the future they whole experience was really interesting.

First every one is trying to sell you something which is understandable. Some were really successful and some weren't. I am going to detail based on my experience what worked for me. First off, self publishers who were smiling and looked happy to be there were the ones I was interested in approaching. There were several that had scowls on their face and just an un happy vibe. You aren't just selling your three dollar comic. You have to sell yourself. Allan Norico did this the best.

Allan is the writer of a comic called Things I've Seen at Shows. First off the art on the book really attacted me and then as I was talking to Allan I couldn't resist purchasing an issue. Allan was extremely nice and enthusiastic and his book. He even signed and did a little sketch without me asking. The book is pretty fun and if you are into music you should look it up. Basically Allan has attended several concerts in his lifetime and as now drawn several 'Characters' that you would see at said concerts. He also has a playlist for what kind of music these shows were. The art was pretty impressive. Reminds me a lot of Jamie Hewletts stuff from The Gorillaz. It's more of an art book then a comic. Not a lot of sequential storytelling here. Still well worth the money. Pick it up if you see it. I would love to see Norico do some sequential storytelling in the future.

Also Norico took my picture because he wants to draw a mosh pit scene in his next issue and he is talking pictures of people so he can draw them and put them in the pit. Now I am definilty buying the next issue.

Another thing, I noticed a lot of the same kind of stuff at the convention. So when something has a nice kind of hook it really stood out to me. That's what brought me over to the Mauled table. Mauled is a series of comics of true stories of tragedies that are embelleshed a bit. I picked up two issues. Mauled: True Stories of People Attacked at the Zoo and True Tales of Tragedy at Sea. Both sounded really insteresting and fun to me and something a bit off the beatean path. Also it didn't hurt that the girl selling the comics was a cutie. Guys trying to sell your books at a convention? Have your wife/girlfriend/hot platonic friend help you. I can't hurt.

The last one I am going to highlite is a book called EGG: Hardboiled Stories. I picked up the second isse. Egg, is a little anthology crime comic. Each issue has three stories all of which are written by Eric Skillman, they are drawn by several different artists and Skillman does the coloring. They are good too. If you go to a con and see Skillman there go and flip through them. He is a good example of a writer putting his stuff out there. I am going to be looking for more from this name in the future.

That's all. I picked up several mini comics but those were the only ones I really felt compelled to write about. Did anyone else attend a con in the last couple of weeks? If so share your thoughts below.

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Timmy Wood, Jeff Reid and Ali Colluccio spend far too much time on twitter. They also write regular columns on the site. Check them out.